The Devil and the Angel

Louisa001 The Hostile Environment, The Adoptee JourneyLeave a Comment

From: Me on a bad day
To: Me

Just to let you know. I find your body overweight and disgusting. Your dress sense unflattering. I find you failing as a mother. You don’t wash often enough. Your body is crumbling. You’re lazy as a business owner and slacking as a girlfriend. When is it exactly that you bother to move your arse from your computer to clean the house?

I also think you are a liar. You preach wonderful concepts all the while knowing you are unable to live up to them. You should go back to the grindstone and earn a living instead of imagining that you can live a life full of love, happiness and wonder…blogging (is that even a real job?) After all the pain you have caused, I am surprised you think you deserve it. I certainly don’t think you do.

You claim to be an author. Of what exactly? Self-created drama? You have three degrees in business (which your father had to pay for due to your selfishness at leaving the country).  And now you pretend to be some sort of guru in self-help. It’s laughable. And maybe even harmful to those who believe you.

Not only that but you dare to present your misguided and sometimes quite frankly – obscene – life as a paragon of how life is supposed to be lived. I think all those years of drinking must have warped your mind. Your sex and sexuality is of interest to no-one. It actually disgusts people. Get yourself to a therapist and stop pursuing this feeble, selfish idea.

Oh and one last thing. That you desire to earn money from writing out your paltry experiences is exploitative, unskilled and ultimately worth nothing. But of course you know all of this even as you try and cover it with swathes of denial.

You’re not even very good at that, are you?

From: Me on a good day
To: Me

When you look at me and smile I feel a sense of pervading peace flush its way into and over my body. Your eyes are blue. Piercing blue. Sometimes I think they are the deepest pools in the world.

Your children adore you. They are happy. And this is in part because of you (oh ok, their father plays a part). And look at the life you have created together! You live on an idyllic island working part time from home….blogging! Who could even dream such a thing?

You have the ability to reach deep inside my soul and pull out the core. It creates a white hot channel between us. Some call it love, some call it life, some people try to define it even further, but I have no need. You make me feel like I am the most important person in your life.

Your writing comes from this channel and rocks my soul. It changes minds and transforms worlds. It comforts those who read it letting them also dare to write and share. It’s important work… this questioning and this journey. You are in a uniquely privileged position. You are free, more free than anyone else to express all your fears and doubts and problems. Your adopted family is more or less estranged, your biological family you only knew as an adult. You are free to speak your mind. How incredibly lucky you are!

It’s a position which can benefit others and it’s your purpose in life to use that gift to elevate the pursuit of freedom as a tool of personal growth. So you want to change the world. Be rich. Travel and explore everything life has to offer. Say yes!

You deserve it.