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How I Became The Broken Woman
Illegitimacy was in my blood, and it had tainted me. By the circumstances of my birth my honour was smirched, I was already a broken woman.
Is an Open Relationship Stressful for Kids?
Open relationships are more prone to generating change. Change equals stress. All change equals stress. But is that necessarily a bad thing?
Response to Dr. Elisabeth Sheff (polyamory #metoo)
I believe we are working towards the same goal, which is to make sure our community is safe and one where abuse cannot flourish.
Polyamory’s #metoo (to whom it may concern)
There is no shortage of corroboration for Franklin’s harmful behaviours. I have taken the testimony of five women, and the supporting testimony of others.
7 Things You Learn Raising in Kids in an Open Relationship
A polyamorous relationship changes the environment your kids grow up in, because polyamory isn’t something you do like badminton on a Thursday night.
TBINAA | The Price of Polyamory & the In-Laws…
So many polyamory self-help books focus on the fact that time is limited but they rarely mention that time is needed for multiple in-laws.
The Crossroads of Polyamory and Complex Trauma
Being polyamorous or practising consensual non-monogamy whilst also dealing with the consequences of complex trauma, has a few subtleties all of its own.
A look at “The Polyamorous Home”
There is nothing wrong with partners who choose not give up their own self-determination in order to support a community they have played no part in making.
How can I let go of my anger toward my partner & former metamour?
You asked… I’ll preface by saying my marriage was once incredibly dysfunctional. Neither of us were capable of taking responsibility for our choices or feelings and we got stuck in this cycle of happy for a little while followed by increasing isolation followed by explosive fighting followed my short lived happiness and promises to do better. It was bad. Really … Read More
If I’m jealous, am I also necessarily insecure?
You Asked… Can somebody who’s completely secure in themselves and their relationship still feel jealousy with respect to their partner? I’ve heard it said that jealousy is rooted in insecurity, but I’ve also heard it said that jealousy is irrational. Can people with complete security in themselves and their relationship still experience jealousy? I Answered… Our rational brain (pre frontal … Read More
How do I initiate the talk about opening our relationship?
You asked… I’ve been married for three years but I’ve always have female friends that I’ve been very attached too. I would go as far as to say I love them. I’ve always struggled with this feeling that I would just to love to touch them or kiss them but I’ve always backed out of these thoughts. It might seem … Read More
Becoming Chosen Family
She might also achieve that status by bonding with the children. But as a fiercely protective mother, I limited that interaction. It requires my trust too.
The Privilege Behind the Word Polyamory
The invention of the word polyamory can be perceived as an unconscious intention to create distance from the queer community.
How do I Transition from a Nuclear to an Open Family?
You asked… I’m interested in transitioning from nuclear family to open family. Specifically, in one of your articles you wrote something like “your relationship was missing the conflict that you used to call ‘meaning'” – I’d like that, please! How does a couple set up for successful (aka nourishing, healthy, drama-free) living that includes ‘dating’ other people, sexual connection with … Read More
On Creating Authentic Connection
To have an authentic relationship, you must be comfortable with uncertainty. You must be able, not only to tolerate but also enjoy the intransigence.
Why Are Open Relationships on the Rise?
One answer might be The Streisand Effect. If you want to keep people obedient, you have to keep them in a state of subsumed non-awareness.
What is Ethical About Polyamory?
You asked… I consider myself polyamorous. Full on polyamorous. Or at least I did until I was trying to debate with a friend about the ethical component of polyamory. I defined polyamory as consensual, ethical and responsible non-monogamy. I realised that I’m down with the area of consent and responsibility but for me, consent and responsibility *is* what is ethical about polyamory … Read More
Can I accidently lead someone to do something unethical?
You asked… I met a women around my age yesterday evening, and had a great time playing cards, drinking at a bar and conversing with her. This is the first romantic crush on a cis-woman I have had, and would definitely describe us as mutually romantically flirting. She asked if I wanted to be walked home, to hug, for a … Read More
Harlot | A Pragmatic Approach to Polyamory and Parenthood
My partners, my partner’s partners and our combined set of resources give me time to recharge, without my children feeling neglected.
My Boyfriend and His Primary Are Falling Apart. What do I do?
You asked… I have been a secondary partner in my poly relationship. Recently my boyfriend and his girlfriend have been having a lot of relationship issues. The rift between them has caused a shift in our dynamic. We all live together, and even our sleeping arrangements have even changed. My boyfriend and I, I feel, have become the primary relationship, … Read More
Am I a Cheater or Am I Polyamorous?
It’s only your choices, which will allow you to figure out whether you are a cheater or polyamorous. (NB. you could be both).
Do I Lie to My Teenage Son About Being Open?
You asked… After having been in an “open” relationship with my wife for the past 4.5 years but never had another relationship per se, I have now had a girlfriend for the past 4 months. Originally the two were kept quite separate, mostly due to my wife not necessarily needing to see her, but now she comes over regularly, stays … Read More
Two Partners And No Sex! What do I do?
You asked… I married my husband twenty years ago. But the sex in our relationship was always problematic, and although we had kids, my husband discovered that he was asexual, but since everything else was OK between us, we thought it would be a shame to divorce for such a (for him) meaningless reason. We eventually settled on this arrangement whereby I spend a couple … Read More
What Should I Look for in a New Partner?
You asked… I’m married, but after opening our marriage it seems that we no longer have that much of a connection or at least only very slight. We have kids, so I’ve tried really hard to keep the family in close contact. We’ve transitioned the relationship so that we have a sort of ‘tertiary’ connection and separated quite a lot … Read More
How do I Protect My Kid from bullying due to polyamory?
You asked… So far I’ve been pretty lucky – able to mostly insulate my son from changes with partners (I learned that lesson when he was mostly too young to remember, at least). And we’re 90% out, so I’m not worried about him outing us. (By 90% out I mean that friends know and neither my husband nor any of … Read More
Is Your Metamour Is ‘Bad’ For Your Kids? (And ‘The Parental Veto’)
A parental veto, is the non-binary option to limit your children’s interactions with non-parents who are harmful to the children’s healthy development.
Is my Daughter Polyamorous or Mentally Ill?
I’ve seen my daughter send *hugs* to people in trouble on some threads. Is the correlation of mental illness is higher for polyamorous people?
When should I introduce my partner to my kids?
You asked… I’ve recently started dating again now that maternity has finished and my daughter has started pre-school. I’ve met someone who I think could be a potential partner. I agreed with my husband a while ago, that we wouldn’t introduce someone to our child unless it was serious, but now I’m thinking I can’t get serious with a partner until … Read More
Should Our Power Exchange Couple Date As A Couple?
You asked… My husband is very poly and has no jealousy issues. I am situationally poly, in that it is not an absolute necessity to me. My questions arises in that we are a power exchange couple. My husband has another woman in his life that is his submissive. They are not sexually involved. I started out in a friendship … Read More
Is it Wrong to Use Polyamory Just to Get Sex?
You asked… They say that polyamory isn’t ‘just about the sex’, and ‘people aren’t just ‘needs fulfilment machines’, but the truth is that I have a very high sex drive and my husband doesn’t. I need more sex and sex is better for me when I know and at least like a person. But sex with loving is even better! So basically, … Read More
What can I do if her anxiety prevents me from polyamory?
You asked… My wife and I married young and lived a monogamous lifestyle for 15 years. Over the last few years we’ve had several polyamorous experiences, initially due to her interest in it. But in this process we’ve discovered that she harbors crippling – and I mean crippling – jealousy and anxiety that for all practical purposes prevents me from … Read More
Why Are Polyamorous People So Ugly?
You Asked… “I got into polyamory via a glamorous life of swinging, but my wife and I found that unconnected sex didn’t do it for us and we started to fall for another couple. Sadly they felt that polyamory threatened their relationship so we started exploring poly groups for more like-minded people. But on the whole the people who attended … Read More
I can only have sex with one person. Am I really polyamorous?
You asked… I’ve identified as polyamorous for many years, and do indeed love many. But even if I love many – you know, the soul thrilling, intimate, vulnerable kind – I have recognised that sexually, I (eventually) prefer exclusivity. I’ve noticed that my multiple relationships are often a transition from one sexually exclusive one to another (with an overlap of up … Read More
Becoming The Author of Your Own Life
Designer Relationships is a gentle, compassionate read which presents the subject in a most decorous and acceptable light, yet this also means it is not dramatic or compelling enough to encourage a dubious reader to finish it. This is not a book which will persuade those without an already open and curious mind.
How do I introduce someone new to Polyamory?
You asked… I’ve met someone who hasn’t heard of poly before. What’s a good way to introduce them? What red flags are there that they’re not accepting it really, but just going along? Thanks. Assuming your ‘someone’ has heard – however vaguely – of open relationships before, I’m going to give you some unconventional advice. Consider – unless it’s too … Read More
On What Flavour of Non-Monogamy Is Right For You and Why
But even if you are wired towards the non-exclusive end of the spectrum doesn’t mean that a non-monogamous relationship is suitable for you.
On How To Manage Deeply Incompatible Metamour Relationships
We all have our sensitivities, allergies and intolerances, some of them too deep to change. That can also be the case with metamours.
My Open Relationship Is Not An Invitation to Fondle my Bottom
But because I’m in an open relationship, I’m more clearly not the property of anyone, which for many makes my bum – apparently – up for grabs.
The Mass Exodus of Polyamorous People Towards Relationship Anarchy
Being a Relationship Anarchist can includes LGBTQIA and non-queer folk. Monogamous and polyamorous folk. Highly sexual and asexual folk (like me).
Riding The Tide of Life
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Are Open Relationships for Thrill Junkies?
Even thrill seekers need to feel safe, because no one would go on a rollercoaster if they believed it to be inherently unsafe, unless they were suicidal.
Polyamory doesn’t have to be Queer
Although queer is a critique of normative identity, it’s grounded in gender & sexuality. To use it in my identity is an appropriation of the queer struggle.
Stop Trying To Be Right About Non-Monogamy
If anything, the construct of monogamy has over some centuries, proven its worth. It’s helped us to grow into the society we are today.
On whether Polyamory is Simply A Transition from Monogamy to Monogamy
A reader wrote to me and described polyamory might be ‘best thought of only as a transitionary relationship to another.’ A stepping stone.
How I Justify My Choice of Non-Monogamy
Whilst biological predisposition might make a strong case for some human rights, fighting for polyamory on this basis makes it more easily dismissed.
The First Child Syndrome and Metamour Jealousy
I am not dismissing those fears and feelings as childhood experience. They are very real and not only because we still experience them as adults, but also because they are unhealed.
Sophia Gubb
I think a lot of people see gender as something malleable. That I put on a dress and act like a woman, so one day I could choose to act like a man again.
The Power of Partners and Superheroes
Things you do show a four year old who is desperate for power… is that power without responsibility means being a villain.
Huffpo | When I Say I Hate Monogamy, What I Really Mean Is…
Monogamy is not a person. Monogamy is a relationship configuration and is as such, impossible for me to hate. It’s neutral.
Thought Catalog | How Polyamory Healed Our Codependent Relationship
Since codependency attracts codependency in every relationship, the phenomenon becomes polarizing and in a quad or more, exponential. And if you’re polyamorous, codependent couples will attract codependent couples to play their games.
Franklin Veaux & The Game Changer
Today Franklin Veaux is a leader and advocate in the polyamorous community; but over ten years ago Franklin Veaux was not a man whose word was respected.
Loving Off The Relationship Escalator
At what point do you define ‘being in a relationship’? Is it more than one date? Is it when you decide to be exclusive? Is it when you label each other boyfriend/girlfriend?
Raf & The Robots by Sarah J. Corner – Alternative Literature for Children
In Sarah’s household, one child prefers blowing kisses to being kissed – a boundary which she has requested that the rest of her family respect as well.
Born to be Polyamorous? Not Me
How we individually express our genes is not predetermined. The structure of our brains is inextricably linked to, the influences in our environment.
What You Wanted To Know About My Open Relationship (but were too polite to ask)
Instead of fending off advances with the ‘Sorry, I’m with someone’ line you have to basically say, ‘No thanks I’m not attracted to you.’
Nerve | Polyamory is Pain
The pain of polyamory showed me that I was in a codependent relationship. Something that had been hidden from me within my monogamous paradigm.
When Open Relationships End (but not as we know it, Jim)
Because game changers do not necessarily spell the end of your relationship, but they do mean the end of your relationship as you know it.
How Passive Communication Killed My Relationship
Is my happiness worth more than my constructed image, my status and my social position? Because if you want the damn biscuit, you’ll have more chance of getting it, if you just ask.
Romantic Friendship in the Modern Era
I don’t know Eve and one of her significant partners, Peter. But I do know how courageous it is to openly discuss your sex life in the public eye, knowing how harshly many might judge.
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