The Adoptee Journey
Coraline and “The Other Mother” Narrative
Coraline will give her eyes, she will sacrifice her unique perspective on the world, and lose herself to her other mother’s vision of herself.
Questions You Never Wanted to Ask
I knew that my father had tried to divorce my mother a year before they adopted me. I knew that I was ‘her project’. I knew that he was never around.
The Bouncer
The guilt of who I am, what I have done is so shameful that I cannot face the pain. There is no point in holding someone who is shattered and worthless.
I Called It Love
But it wasn’t about love, it was about power. About how far I would be willing to go. About how much abuse I might be prepared to accept.
The Last Fight
I don’t know whether the roaring was in my head or from his throat, but it felt like I had gone mad.
It Starts with the Little Things
The smallness of each indicator made it impossible. But then you made a mistake, and you punched me in the face.
The Rapist in the Mirror
But what of the men who were genetic fathers to these lost children? Male privilege absolved them of personal responsibility.
Ways I Fucked Up (So Far)
I realised how susceptible we all are to being abusive. Abuse is so prevalent, and so normalized, and often so easy to do, without being even aware of it.
The Fucked-up Truth of Non-Dark Alley Rape
When you live as a woman, there is a power imbalance. It means that I would let myself be raped if I perceived a threat to my life.
Harry Potter Normalizes Abuse
Maybe it’s my depression that twists a rainbow world into shades of grey. Or maybe the Order of the Phoenix really is a minefield riddled with C-PTSD.
Why Compassion for Abusers is Necessary For Healing
I write not to vilify her. I write because I own my story. I write to assert my existence. I write because silence around abuse, even emotional abuse, gives it the authority and space to continue.
How Can We End Abuse?
As a crusader for this system, abuse was not my mother’s intent. She was an agent in an abusive system, whilst believing that it was the best thing for me.
Why are all the Men I date Assholes?
I have a son and a daughter (with a man who is as far removed from being an asshole as it is possible to be). If either of them were ever caught up in a situation where they were the perpetrator or the victim of such a situation, I don’t know how I would contain my vitriol …or my guilt. Because in both positions, my children would be operating out of a place of low self-esteem. One who needed to feed their ego by taking power to control and manipulate. One who felt they were worth very little and that this was the only relationship they deserved.