Love Yourself First

Louisa003 Rewriting the Narrative, The Adoptee Journey

There’s a rumour going round that goes something like this.

You won’t truly be loved by another until you love yourself.

It’s been repeated in various guises by many over the years and notably several Hollywood actresses. They seem – unsurprisingly – to be the most in need for a little self love.

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. ~ Lucille Ball

If you don’t love yourself, you can’t love anybody else. And I think as women we really forget that. ~ Jennifer Lopez

It sounds like a cliché but I also learnt that you’re not going to fall for the right person until you really love yourself and feel good about how you are. ~ Emma Watson

They have discovered how important it is to love oneself.  But loving yourself is not a binary stage of evolution. It’s not as simple as an on or off switch. Learning to love oneself is a journey and despite what Emma thinks, all relationships – good and bad – serve a purpose. Mr or Mrs Right might only be “right” for a period of time…as you continue on your journey of life and love. And there are also plenty of people who get a lot done whilst hating themselves. They may be unhappy doing it however.

But as famous as this truth is, there are very few instructions on how to achieve self love. Even worse, self-love is regarded by many to be a form of narcissism or excessive selfishness, something to be discouraged and despised. But this is a theory based in fear and the belief that love is a scarce resource.

People so desirous and greedy for love, they fear that by giving love to yourself, there is less for them to have (that’s the true definition of narcissism by the way, preoccupation and focus on how much love you can get which means that you treat others like objects to feed your ego instead of loving them as equals).

Actually the opposite is true. The more you love yourself, the better your ability to love others. And therefore for the good of yourself, your loved ones and the world, the best thing you can possibly do is to love yourself more.

Love is not a commodity, to be given or received. Love is the joining of two souls open and ready to connect.  It can happen in an instant and endure for years. Achieving self-love is simple (not easy mind you, but simple) because you only need to revert back to a natural state of openness which your authentic self longs to do.

Your soul is already intact, whole, and ready to love but it is covered with inherited values and conditions like shame, guilt and blame. So how does one go about removing these?

Releasing these blocks to love comes about through acceptance. Acceptance comes about by full disclosure of yourself (your so-called weaknesses and your strengths). And the key to full disclosure is a willingness to be totally vulnerable through self–expression. You risk utter rejection, but thee reward is total acceptance and deep deep connection.

As I said, it’s not easy. But it’s very simple.