Move over ‘Lunch break’, here comes ‘Sex Break’

LouisaBusiness & Tech, What The Matriarch Sees

Sex is the thing that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are born survivors. If man–as in mankind–does indeed think about sex every 6 seconds, it’s because we are by nature is programmed to be thinking about our survival. We are built to be preoccupied with seeking pleasure… and canny old nature has created a survival mechanism which is the most pleasurable of all.

The problem is that precisely because it is so pleasurable, we have had to repress it. Otherwise we wouldn’t get much done. I believe that the amount of repression and issues we have around sex is directly proportional to how pleasurable we find it. Excepting anyone on the ACE spectrum, it is the mainstay of many adult relationships we have, whether we admit it or not. Including those at work.

So a friend of mine has been looking for an assistant. A sign of the times we are living in, he posts a job description on Facebook and receives 15 applications within 2 days. He tells me about the interviews and how he has an excellent woman in mind for the job. I joke saying ‘don’t pick someone based on how hot they are.’ His dry response is ‘well that’s why I picked to work with you.’

I knew he was joking. Surely society and business has evolved past such obvious gender stereotyping. These days people are offered jobs and awarded new business based on their exceptional skills, qualifications and experience in their chosen field regardless of gender or appearance.

But whether I like it or not, my appearance has been responsible for bringing in a fair few sales for my books. Few read them because they want to know about my deep emotionally charged processing. They want to read my memoir because they want to read about me having sex.

Sex sells stuff.

Maybe it’s about the subconscious mind which is programmed to try to push us to associate us with those who might propagate our seed better into the next generation. Men buy jeans because they want to get into Claudia Schiffer’s pants (yes, I know that reference is woefully out of date). The funny thing is that sex only works to reproduce if you have direct contact with someone. No sperm has ever been known to swim through the pages of a billboard and inseminate the model advertising that pair of jeans, no matter how many pairs you buy.

The subconscious mind associates the purchase of a product endorsed by a famous face will make them either as attractive as that famous face and presumably attract more of the opposite sex to fertilize them, or alternatively those analogous to those famous faces will want to jump into bed with us. Logically we know this is nonsense. I know that no matter how much Chanel number 5 I drown myself in, I will not resemble Marilyn, Grace or Charlize.

But my friend may well achieve his aim by employing an attractive someone. Because I’ve done the work thing. I’ve jumped into bed with attractive colleagues. And so have many others I know… the Christmas party was a particularly successful hunting ground.

Workplace affairs forge a strong bond because of common interests, admiration and work stress. Often people who have affairs at work report that their marriage is a good. The reason office affairs are on the rise is because people put their life energy into their careers, especially in this economy, many people feel fortunate to have a job. Once they get home to the children, people feel tired, drained and depleted.

Affairs in the Workplace

But affairs are likely to bring drama and heartache. How could this drive be better channeled? How could we use it to reinforce our home life?

Here’s how it goes down with me as a Stay-at-home Mum…

My boyfriend bounds in from his day at work, overjoyed to see us. I look at him with dislike. My day has been spent saying ‘ga’ in a surprised and delighted tone. My hair is full of baby drool. My newly washed jeans are caked with porridge.

Work you see, when you have a baby, is like a holiday. My boyfriend has been on holiday every single day for the last year. Whilst I have been home from work, doing the hardest task I have ever been set (and that includes my MBA). Later as he snuggles up to me on the couch, I say

Me: “Darling…I’ve had a baby ON me all day. That’s too much touching for anyone.”

Him: “But that’s not sexual.”

No it’s not. But its bodily contact. Having a baby is like a love affair without the sex. Gazing at your marvellous child and how they gaze and giggle back. It’s not sexual but it’s sensual. Amazing. But by the end of the day…you want your body back, for you. Sorry, not sorry.

Here’s me as a working woman…

Back from a conference presenting in Budapest , I’ve been up since 5.30 gulping painkillers because of the late ‘work’ dinner with the CEO and exec team the night before. I drop my bags in our hall and my boyfriend comes out of the kitchen.

Him: “Hey you’re back! Look at you in your slinky little suit. Are you wearing knickers? I’ll bet everyone wanted to sleep with you.”

Me: “Hello…can we watch a DVD? I’m beat.”

Him: “Awwww”

This time my body is definitely mine. But it’s exhausted from the all out dynamism I’ve fuelled my into job…

So how can we get it right? Introducing the sex-break.

Office working usually entails, very little bodily contact, men and women dressed up in ‘work’ uniform and focusing on only one thing. Work (and every 6 seconds, sex). It gives purpose, direction…and sex appeal. Our society employs the best of our resources to drive the economy. We arrive perky, rested and dressed up. Ready to attack the day with gusto. No wonder we’re attractive at work.

Most of us don’t work in the same place as our partners. But – especially for those in monogamous relationships – I’m thinking it’s not such a bad idea.

It occurs to me that to save the massive breakdown of relationships, companies should give due consideration not only to employing both partners so that they can (at least) spend their lunch breaks together undisturbed by constant requests for milk and juice, but also give them access to resources so that they can have unhampered child-free, stress-free sex. It would also give them something else to talk about besides poo, pee and who has to take the rubbish out.

One lunch break + One Sex Break = Happier Employees. Less Relationship Breakdowns. More Productivity. More talking. More sex.

What’s there not to like?