Boundaries are ultra important, both in their definition and mutual respect of them. They must be carefully drawn so that they don’t amount to a tacit veto.
Successful threesomes might have many components, but I would boldly state that the best way to ensure satisfaction is through good communication. Yet sitting down to discuss boundaries and consent with long term partner(s) with whom you hopefully have an enviable level of honest communication, is the easier part. It is not so easy to communicate with that spontaneous person you meet at the club, who agrees to participate in fun and games with you and your partner(s) for a one-off encounter.
A reader wrote to me and described polyamory might be ‘best thought of only as a transitionary relationship to another.’ A stepping stone.
We respond with compassion to each others’ emotions. So when we open as emotionally vulnerable, we unlock the ability to communicate compassionately.
If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you may resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.
A transformed relationship is where you a free to look what works for the relationship, rather than at what makes you right or wrong.
A failing relationship has little to do with whether you include others, but whether your relationship is a healthy and stable one.