How can I let go of my anger toward my partner & former metamour?

LouisaOpen Relationships, QuestionsLeave a Comment

You asked… I’ll preface by saying my marriage was once incredibly dysfunctional. Neither of us were capable of taking responsibility for our choices or feelings and we got stuck in this cycle of happy for a little while followed by increasing isolation followed by explosive fighting followed my short lived happiness and promises to do better. It was bad. Really … Read More

If I’m jealous, am I also necessarily insecure?

LouisaOpen Relationships, QuestionsLeave a Comment

You Asked… Can somebody who’s completely secure in themselves and their relationship still feel jealousy with respect to their partner? I’ve heard it said that jealousy is rooted in insecurity, but I’ve also heard it said that jealousy is irrational. Can people with complete security in themselves and their relationship still experience jealousy? I Answered… Our rational brain (pre frontal … Read More

How do I Transition from a Nuclear to an Open Family?

LouisaOpen Relationships, QuestionsLeave a Comment

You asked… I’m interested in transitioning from nuclear family to open family. Specifically, in one of your articles you wrote something like “your relationship was missing the conflict that you used to call ‘meaning'” – I’d like that, please! How does a couple set up for successful (aka nourishing, healthy, drama-free) living that includes ‘dating’ other people, sexual connection with … Read More

What is Ethical About Polyamory?

LouisaOpen Relationships, QuestionsLeave a Comment

You asked… I consider myself polyamorous. Full on polyamorous. Or at least I did until I was trying to debate with a friend about the ethical component of polyamory. I defined polyamory as consensual, ethical and responsible non-monogamy.  I realised that I’m down with the area of consent and responsibility but for me, consent and responsibility *is* what is ethical about polyamory … Read More

Two Partners And No Sex! What do I do?

LouisaOpen Relationships, QuestionsLeave a Comment

You asked… I married my husband twenty years ago. But the sex in our relationship was always problematic, and although we had kids, my husband discovered that he was asexual, but since everything else was OK between us, we thought it would be a shame to divorce for such a (for him) meaningless reason. We eventually settled on this arrangement whereby I spend a couple … Read More

How Can I Help My Abusive Partner?

LouisaOpen Relationships, QuestionsLeave a Comment

You asked… I’ve lived with a man for several years, and about a year ago we decided to “go poly”. It was the first time I realized that I didn’t have to put all my energy and effort into one other person, that I was allowed to care for myself and my own needs. Sadly enough, taking responsibility for myself … Read More

What Should I Look for in a New Partner?

LouisaOpen Relationships, QuestionsLeave a Comment

You asked… I’m married, but after opening our marriage it seems that we no longer have that much of a connection or at least only very slight. We have kids, so I’ve tried really hard to keep the family in close contact. We’ve transitioned the relationship so that we have a sort of ‘tertiary’ connection and separated quite a lot … Read More

When should I introduce my partner to my kids?

LouisaOpen Relationships, QuestionsLeave a Comment

You asked… I’ve recently started dating again now that maternity has finished and my daughter has started pre-school. I’ve met someone who I think could be a potential partner. I agreed with my husband a while ago, that we wouldn’t introduce someone to our child unless it was serious, but now I’m thinking I can’t get serious with a partner until … Read More

Am I abusive?

LouisaOpen Relationships, QuestionsLeave a Comment

You asked… I read your response on anxiety with interest and foreboding. I am in an open relationship with my partner. I suffer hugely from anxiety, and although I try to take full responsibility for it, I fear that my initial – uncontrollable – reactions of fear and anxiety impact my partner’s decisions on how or even whether to move … Read More

I can only have sex with one person. Am I really polyamorous?

LouisaOpen Relationships, QuestionsLeave a Comment

You asked… I’ve identified as polyamorous for many years, and do indeed love many. But even if I love many – you know, the soul thrilling, intimate, vulnerable kind – I have recognised that sexually, I (eventually) prefer exclusivity. I’ve noticed that my multiple relationships are often a transition from one sexually exclusive one to another (with an overlap of up … Read More

How do I introduce someone new to Polyamory?

LouisaOpen Relationships, QuestionsLeave a Comment

You asked… I’ve met someone who hasn’t heard of poly before. What’s a good way to introduce them? What red flags are there that they’re not accepting it really, but just going along? Thanks. Assuming your ‘someone’ has heard – however vaguely – of open relationships before, I’m going to give you some unconventional advice. Consider – unless it’s too … Read More