Being polyamorous or practising consensual non-monogamy whilst also dealing with the consequences of complex trauma, has a few subtleties all of its own.
Being a Relationship Anarchist can includes LGBTQIA and non-queer folk. Monogamous and polyamorous folk. Highly sexual and asexual folk (like me).
Relationship Anarchy is apolitical in most of the defining literature. The manifesto for Relationship Anarchy itself carries no inherent politics.
Whilst biological predisposition might make a strong case for some human rights, fighting for polyamory on this basis makes it more easily dismissed.
If anything, the construct of monogamy has over some centuries, proven its worth. It’s helped us to grow into the society we are today.
Whilst much of my writing colours polyamory in a rose tinted light, I am not ignorant of the enormous pain that it might and does bring to many. Those who say my credibility is damaged and that I am stupid because I ignore the obvious pain signals which should prevent me practising polyamory, are only proving their own ignorance about the necessity and role of pain in our lives.
I want to be honest about my preferences. If a man with a gun demanded that I pick one dessert to eat for the rest of my life. It would be chocolate. But boy, would I miss my fresh strawberries. They’re amazing and people need fruit (so I’ve been told).
Because the part of life that contradicts the lie, goes into that lovely place called denial and resides in your subconscious. It means you don’t have to be responsible for your life. And your subconscious mind will perpetuate the lie. It will go to greater and greater lengths to support the position you have created for yourself and cover up the truth. Lies fragment your subconscious and shatter your integrity.
I could only assume that he had mistaken the word ‘polyamorist’ for ‘rapist’. After a bout of outrage, I sat down to examine what ‘slut’ really meant.
The importance of this is highlighted by research that finds that it is difficult to clearly distinguish between monogamous and non-monogamous people. Like all such polarities they break down when examined closely. Consider Alfred Kinsey and Lisa Diamond’s work on sexuality – both finding that this is a lot more complex than the gay/straight polarity would suggest.
I work on checking and using privilege for good; but let’s also be honest, It is also the product of self-preservation – something which has made man into a consummate survivor. And it’s the ‘how-to’ eradicate it generally outlined, basically involves throwing out the ‘training wheels’, something which challenges the very instinct which protects us.
Monogamy is designed to keep couples together by creating barriers of exit; socially; financially and psychologically. One cannot look at the divorce statistics to ascertain how successful it is; this only proves how many couples remain married. Not how many couples remain happily married… Judging by how many marriages now end in divorce since it became more socially acceptable, that’s not many over the long term.
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