Achievement and failure exist only as a construct, a way to judge others and my sickness, my health and my worth has nothing to do with either.
Yet emotional abuse is incredibly damaging, perhaps in part because it cannot be recognised and dealt with in the same way. Emotional abuse gets swept under the carpet because it is supported and perpetuated by society as a whole.
We are programmed as human beings with a biological reaction called ‘disgust’ and as a society, have reinforced this through any number of mechanisms to be able to live together. It’s part of the reason why so many stories of abuse remain untold and why many abusers can go on abusing, sometimes over decades. Abusees become disgusting by their association to abuse. Their stories are often doubted, shunned or dismissed as inconsequential.
Twenty years later those two people are now strangers and our story is one of the human condition, of love and tragedy. It was inevitable. And so I simply sigh, close the book and move on.
My thumbs are hurting and my past me is whispering in my ear. She’s saying to me, watch out, danger is coming. Rejection is coming. Conflict is coming.
But although I drifted aimlessly on the open seas, buffeted by the storms I conjured myself from my grief, I also found that had the tools to fashion an oar.
Those films which make you cry tap into your deepest longings. To be loved, to be the rescued child, to be the winner. We’ve all of us gone through trauma.
Take responsibility for your feelings. You are in charge of them. But that’s difficult. Because we need to feel angry. We’re allowed to feel angry.
My family was not one I was born to, it was one I made and continue to make on a daily basis. My family is a group of people who I trust and whose support I use to empower myself to grow in this world. I have relatives of course, but they are not who I consider my family.
Lack of object constancy occurs in adults when there is a failure to form normal attachments to primary care giving figures in early childhood.
If I enable a lie, it will take away a piece of me. Sometimes I think I am driven by sensationalism – a hangover of my desire for attention. That’s a part of it (and that’s the truth). But my experimentation with life, my experience, is my own way of determining what makes me happy outside of what society tells me makes me happy, and what makes me, me.
If consent cannot happen without the ability to make a free and informed choice, then chances are we do not give our consent freely about anything at all.
Once upon a time someone you loved told you that you were not perfect. You internalized it and it became your belief. And so you acted accordingly.
I want to forgive. I don’t want to be the victim. But I don’t know how not to be…
I cannot admit I am magnificent in public, or even in private, because doing so would turn me into a person I myself dislike. Someone big headed and cocky. Someone society would hate.
There’s a rumour going round that goes something like this. You won’t truly be loved by another until you love yourself. It’s been repeated in various guises by many over the years and notably several Hollywood actresses. They seem – unsurprisingly – to be the most in need for a little self love. Love yourself first and everything else falls … Read More
I’m no longer sorry I didn’t get drunk in Dublin all those years ago. I’m only sorry I didn’t realise earlier that my sorrow, was a waste of time.