“But I Can Still Cook!”

This world built me without boundaries, brought me up to accept authority, to obey and to work in the system. I was preprogrammed to play my docile part.

No, It’s Not Your Parents’ Fault

Similarly if you experience insecure attachment as a child, all other things being equal, your mind will default to attach insecurely as an adult.

Why saying ‘Fuck Yes’ Is Impossible for the Emotionally Blind

Some people will rarely experience that hopping up and down to have sex. Some people will never feel a ‘fuck yes’ about anything. They will make their decisions based on past experience and educated guesses more than a soul-thrilling desire to go for it. They are the emotionally blind.

The Surprising Upsides of an Atrocious Memory

At twelve years old, I experienced a car accident which must have had more of an impact than the months I don’t recall and I drank my way through my twenties, actively trying to forget many things, which I’m pretty sure had an even larger impact.

When the Abused, Become the Abuser

Yet emotional abuse is incredibly damaging, perhaps in part because it cannot be recognised and dealt with in the same way. Emotional abuse gets swept under the carpet because it is supported and perpetuated by society as a whole.

How Our Disgust for Abuse Erases the Abused

We are programmed as human beings with a biological reaction called ‘disgust’ and as a society, have reinforced this through any number of mechanisms to be able to live together. It’s part of the reason why so many stories of abuse remain untold and why many abusers can go on abusing, sometimes over decades. Abusees become disgusting by their association to abuse. Their stories are often doubted, shunned or dismissed as inconsequential.

Otherwise Known As The Human Condition

Twenty years later those two people are now strangers and our story is one of the human condition, of love and tragedy. It was inevitable. And so I simply sigh, close the book and move on.

The Beautiful Cracks

I built an armour called ‘fuck you’. It shielded me from the pain. But also from the joy. I built it from a place of indifference and it became me.

What Is A ‘Real’ Mother?

The question of what a ‘real’ mother means, is increasingly relevant. What does it mean to be a mother? Who is the ‘real’ mother?

Hollywood, The Unlikely Therapist

Those films which make you cry tap into your deepest longings. To be loved, to be the rescued child, to be the winner. We’ve all of us gone through trauma.

Can We Trust Self-Help?

We are all vulnerable with our own individual life circumstances. And with the increased accessibility of information we are also more likely to seek out the quick fix solution because quite simply it is in our nature.

Family Is What You Make It

My family was not one I was born to, it was one I made and continue to make on a daily basis. My family is a group of people who I trust and whose support I use to empower myself to grow in this world. I have relatives of course, but they are not who I consider my family.

Being Myself in Public

If I enable a lie, it will take away a piece of me. Sometimes I think I am driven by sensationalism – a hangover of my desire for attention. That’s a part of it (and that’s the truth). But my experimentation with life, my experience, is my own way of determining what makes me happy outside of what society tells me makes me happy, and what makes me, me.

Have You Consented to Your Life?

If consent cannot happen without the ability to make a free and informed choice, then chances are we do not give our consent freely about anything at all.

The Magnificence of Me

I cannot admit I am magnificent in public, or even in private, because doing so would turn me into a person I myself dislike. Someone big headed and cocky. Someone society would hate.

Winning Through Enlightenment by Ron Smothermon

But then I read this book. And I can safely say it surpasses every expectation you’ve ever had of a guidebook to life. Whereas others like Illusions by Richard Bach speak in parables and enigma (beautiful though it is), this book is more practical. It’s also brutally honest; shockingly so.

Love Yourself First

There’s a rumour going round that goes something like this. You won’t truly be loved by another until you love yourself. It’s been repeated in various guises by many over the years and notably several Hollywood actresses. They seem – unsurprisingly – to be the most in need for a little self love. Love yourself first and everything else falls … Read More