John is from the North of England. He co-admins the UK Polyamory group on Facebook, doesn’t drive a car, and has a degree in Environmental Health. But his journey was kick-started by tragedy.
The goal of the book – as outlined by the author at the beginning – is to provide a new map for relationships. But no book can persuade readers through only emotionless hard analysis, psychological half truths and noticeably ‘masculine oriented’ sweeping assumptions about women and their motivations.
A failing relationship has little to do with whether you include others, but whether your relationship is a healthy and stable one.
You asked… “If you’d asked me 6 months ago, I would have said that I love 2 men. But now …after months of drama, mistrust, less time with my husband and having the best connection ever with my new lover, I am just not sure of my feelings any more. Then this weekend I reconnected with my husband and we … Read More
I could only assume that he had mistaken the word ‘polyamorist’ for ‘rapist’. After a bout of outrage, I sat down to examine what ‘slut’ really meant.
And let’s say your fundamental needs are already met by your current relationship interactions – including monogamous arrangements – then there is no need to be open in practice as long as you have been truly open in your evaluation. An open relationship means the permission to know and accept oneself …and be accepted by your partners.
In the online world, protecting your reputation and your voice is survival; so much so, that if someone has made an fool of themselves in public and been proven wrong, they will – nine times out of ten – leave the forum and choose to eradicate their presence; in other words, they commit a sort of social suicide.
It’s only private business if you can practise it freely, without fear of condemnation or legal ramifications. Nose picking is ‘private’; Polyamory is not.
Fortunately for those of us who aren’t inclined to make the epic effort it requires to wade through the opening pages of Hemingway’s epic piece of literature–as boring as it is wise–you can satisfy your hankering for death and survival in almost every current Richard-and-Judy-stickered novel out there, from Harry Potter to The Lovely Bones.
I cannot admit I am magnificent in public, or even in private, because doing so would turn me into a person I myself dislike. Someone big headed and cocky. Someone society would hate.
I’ve created routines, bought activity books, depended a little too much sometimes on Peppa Pig. I’ve forced myself to go out, to face the demon.
As the world evolves, so humanity remains essentially emotionally the same. One part angel, one part devil, all of us suffering from the influences of religion, society and our parents. All of it crystallized in sharp relief within the hellish prison of childhood. I always said I’d never forget…and yet now I have children, I find myself getting annoyed because … Read More
There’s a rumour going round that goes something like this. You won’t truly be loved by another until you love yourself. It’s been repeated in various guises by many over the years and notably several Hollywood actresses. They seem – unsurprisingly – to be the most in need for a little self love. Love yourself first and everything else falls … Read More
I’m no longer sorry I didn’t get drunk in Dublin all those years ago. I’m only sorry I didn’t realise earlier that my sorrow, was a waste of time.
My unhappy oppressed soul had been searching for escape. Any escape. And the escape I needed, was to be an adult even as a child. Because an adult was free.
f there is one universal truth, it is that we are hardwired to form relationships, both transient and long lasting, inside of marriage and out. And although one of the greatest philosophers said ‘I think, therefore I am’, in my mind it is much more likely to be ‘I love, therefore I am’. Never have I felt as profoundly touched … Read More
As we turn our self-absorbed gaze to how best we can all be portrayed on the web from Facebook and Twitter, to Pinterest and YouTube there is one giant in the online CV world called LinkedIn. And yet LinkedIn has a startlingly, and increasingly glaring flaw. It portrays your entire work history and professional persona, relevant or not. And misses out those brilliant Amazon reviewing skills you do in your spare time which might just contribute to your next job as a Product Manager.
hen I was at my all-girls school my biology teacher blew a condom up like a balloon and brandished it in front of our faces. “Never let him tell you it isn’t big enough.” She shouted. Those of us close enough to smell the spermicide, tittered nervously and gazed at her admiringly. This was cutting-edge sex education. Those of us … Read More
But Ground Zero could have been a metaphor for our future intentions. We Westerners could have been ‘the bigger person’. As the name so aptly suggests we could have started to communicate from zero. The playing field was – literally – level.
n 1983 Ethiopia knew the worst famine for over a century due to a failing harvest compounded by a Marxist government who ruthlessly spent half its national budget on fighting rebels in the North. That same year, a little boy was born in the heart of the country. His name was Erdolo Eromo. 30 years later in his birth country … Read More
But now we are seeing the results of our systemic stupidity. Greed for profit through drone working, has created the greatest depression since the 1930s. It has made us unable to respond to the demands of our changing society.
thought a knew a fair amount about environmental issues and even more about the English language. But when a friend passed me over an article about a contraption promising to make fracking ‘greener’ I was confronted with two challenges. Reading about the unknown, in an unknown language. And yet it was in English. What the Frack? Fracking is a technique … Read More
I’ve studied porn statistics for years since part of my job as a financial analyst is to forecast content demand for many high profile telecom firms. Yes, we talk about it in the board room with a straight face.
I don’t know whether the roaring was in my head or from his throat, but it felt like I had gone mad.
Even now, I am only at the beginning of my journey. How can I love myself if I can’t even speak about one of the most important parts of my body?
And in an instant, late at night, I changed. This person was in pain. Ugly and blank. My features were twisted into a belligerent mask.
Personally I like to measure my success in this life by how content I am with my circumstances, how happy my children are and how much opportunity I create for me and those around me (and not only in professional terms). I am no saint, but I have realised that it is impossible for me to be happy at the expense of others. And it is impossible for me to be happy by working 12 hours a day in the corporate sphere. But I am not everyone, and cannot make that call for others (unlike Ms Sandberg who seems to speak on behalf on all women).
The prospect of maternity leave of 12 months for my newborn together with toddler daughter makes me want to curl up in my own foetal position and hibernate.
Who would have guessed that the high achieving little girl who was–to all the outside world–a perfect privileged child, was so busy hating herself?
I recoiled at her touch and thought ‘I don’t want to put cream on them. I want them to stay there so you see every day how ugly you made me.’
Pethidine locked me away in my own pain prison far away from the delivery room. I rocked myself moaning quietly in the foetal position whilst blue shadows flitted across the room ignoring me, now I was ‘manageable’ and in an altered state of reality.
My cause is not children in Africa or maltreated cows, and it’s not that I don’t have compassion for them. But my battle is to repair some of the dysfunction caused by the society and environment I grew up in; sex negativity, maternal narcissism, fluid relationships… and if I am to manage even part way, then it needs to be my primary focus. At least that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.