Take responsibility for your feelings. You are in charge of them. But that’s difficult. Because we need to feel angry. We’re allowed to feel angry.
It’s not what I know I’ve done. But what I don’t know I’ve done. Yawning black holes of nothingness taunt me with their awful possibilities.
I must accept and welcome wretchedness for my daughter, if she is to forge her own way to integrity.
My family was not one I was born to, it was one I made and continue to make on a daily basis. My family is a group of people who I trust and whose support I use to empower myself to grow in this world. I have relatives of course, but they are not who I consider my family.
Secrecy was the best choice. But being adopted whilst outwardly respectable, was only another word for disgraced bastard. And everyone knew it, even if they didn’t say it.
If I enable a lie, it will take away a piece of me. Sometimes I think I am driven by sensationalism – a hangover of my desire for attention. That’s a part of it (and that’s the truth). But my experimentation with life, my experience, is my own way of determining what makes me happy outside of what society tells me makes me happy, and what makes me, me.
I want to be honest about my preferences. If a man with a gun demanded that I pick one dessert to eat for the rest of my life. It would be chocolate. But boy, would I miss my fresh strawberries. They’re amazing and people need fruit (so I’ve been told).
That you desire to earn money from writing out your paltry experiences is exploitative, unskilled and ultimately worth nothing. But of course you know all of this even as you try and cover it with swathes of denial.
If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you may resent the time and energy you give another person that you aren’t even giving to yourself.
The guilt of who I am, what I have done is so shameful that I cannot face the pain. There is no point in holding someone who is shattered and worthless.
Because the part of life that contradicts the lie, goes into that lovely place called denial and resides in your subconscious. It means you don’t have to be responsible for your life. And your subconscious mind will perpetuate the lie. It will go to greater and greater lengths to support the position you have created for yourself and cover up the truth. Lies fragment your subconscious and shatter your integrity.
When you work all day and every day in a system where psychological manipulation and powerplay are used to create winners and losers, you are not acting with integrity, you are acting in ‘opposition’ and ‘conflict’. When you don’t act in integrity, you are fighting life itself. You are not being true to yourself.
It’s true that business and money is more often used for power and superiority. Good business in economic terms is defined as charging more money for a product or service than what it costs to produce. The difference is supposed to be made up in value. However value is often added by that elusive category ‘brand’ which rarely brings genuine empowerment, but often pulls emotional insecurities to trigger demand…making one person the winner and the other, the loser (and that’s not about empowerment).
I want to shout out to all those who have been brainwashed by the media and who expect hours of pounding that sex is delicious, fruitful and altogether more frothy when you don’t count the minutes.
All sin, therefore, has its roots in what they call ‘idolatry’, which is the attempt to put something or someone in the place of the Creator (especially yourself). This is why vanity (self-idolatry) is a deadly sin in Christianity – woe betide you might cotton on to the fact that you are truly magnificent without God.
The most useful tool I’ve discovered on our life journey is compassionate honesty. It heals so many wounds. This month has given me the chance to compassionately and honestly re-examine the relationship between my adopted Mother and I, to see whether the wound has healed between us. But my mother continues to want to play the game of ‘who-is-right-and-wrong’, and … Read More
We have each claimed our respective subjective realities to be ‘the’ one and only truth over the years, but as it turns out there is no one and only truth. We can’t change our realities, only accept that my experience is true for me as your experience is true for you. I am not trying to make you wrong. But nor will I undermine my own reality to make you right.
I discovered last week that you read my blog. This blog! Although my initial reaction was one of fear, after 5 seconds I started laughing at what I imagine your reaction to be when you read about my not-so-private sex life out there on the web.
Women like men, fear rejection. Coming out as bisexual by dating another woman without a man present, changes your relationship to men and the world forever. If you question the hetero-norm of society by your actions, you become a threat. It’s that simple.
Discover the truth about your own motivations. Then discover that even your truth is not constant and be able to accept this. Truth changes, which means that to be a seeker is not a destination, but a never ending path (and then you die).
A transformed relationship is where you a free to look what works for the relationship, rather than at what makes you right or wrong.
I knew, even at 21, that my ‘off’ button didn’t function in the same way as other people’s. I lost 4 pairs of shoes out drinking over the course of 2 years.
It is always a matter of self-protection, or indeed what we believe to be self-protection… which is why stopping playing it seems counter intuitive.
Yeast infections look quite pretty. From this angle. Yeast infections look quite pretty. From this angle. There are some discussions I didn’t expect to be having with my daughter. Not now (when she’s three). And actually not ever (before I became a feminist). “What’s that a picture of Mummy?” said my daughter looking at my Google search results. I resisted … Read More
If consent cannot happen without the ability to make a free and informed choice, then chances are we do not give our consent freely about anything at all.
Once upon a time someone you loved told you that you were not perfect. You internalized it and it became your belief. And so you acted accordingly.