My Boyfriend and His Primary Are Falling Apart. What do I do?

LouisaQuestions, Relationship Fluidity & BeyondLeave a Comment

You asked… I have been a secondary partner in my poly relationship. Recently my boyfriend and his girlfriend have been having a lot of relationship issues. The rift between them has caused a shift in our dynamic. We all live together, and even our sleeping arrangements have even changed. My boyfriend and I, I feel, have become the primary relationship, … Read More

Two Partners And No Sex! What do I do?

LouisaQuestions, Relationship Fluidity & BeyondLeave a Comment

You asked… I married my husband twenty years ago. But the sex in our relationship was always problematic, and although we had kids, my husband discovered that he was asexual, but since everything else was OK between us, we thought it would be a shame to divorce for such a (for him) meaningless reason. We eventually settled on this arrangement whereby I spend a couple … Read More

When should I introduce my partner to my kids?

LouisaQuestions, Relationship Fluidity & BeyondLeave a Comment

You asked… I’ve recently started dating again now that maternity has finished and my daughter has started pre-school. I’ve met someone who I think could be a potential partner. I agreed with my husband a while ago, that we wouldn’t introduce someone to our child unless it was serious, but now I’m thinking I can’t get serious with a partner until … Read More

Am I abusive?

LouisaQuestions, Relationship Fluidity & BeyondLeave a Comment

You asked… I read your response on anxiety with interest and foreboding. I am in an open relationship with my partner. I suffer hugely from anxiety, and although I try to take full responsibility for it, I fear that my initial – uncontrollable – reactions of fear and anxiety impact my partner’s decisions on how or even whether to move … Read More

What can I do if her anxiety prevents me from polyamory?

LouisaQuestions, Relationship Fluidity & BeyondLeave a Comment

You asked… My wife and I married young and lived a monogamous lifestyle for 15 years. Over the last few years we’ve had several polyamorous experiences, initially due to her interest in it. But in this process we’ve discovered that she harbors crippling – and I mean crippling – jealousy and anxiety that for all practical purposes prevents me from … Read More

Why Are Polyamorous People So Ugly?

LouisaQuestions, Relationship Fluidity & Beyond2 Comments

As you become real, you stop thinking in terms of ugly and beautiful, at least where people are concerned..

You Asked… “I got into polyamory via a glamorous life of swinging, but my wife and I found that unconnected sex didn’t do it for us and we started to fall for another couple. Sadly they felt that polyamory threatened their relationship so we started exploring poly groups for more like-minded people. But on the whole the people who attended … Read More

I can only have sex with one person. Am I really polyamorous?

LouisaQuestions, Relationship Fluidity & BeyondLeave a Comment

You asked… I’ve identified as polyamorous for many years, and do indeed love many. But even if I love many – you know, the soul thrilling, intimate, vulnerable kind – I have recognised that sexually, I (eventually) prefer exclusivity. I’ve noticed that my multiple relationships are often a transition from one sexually exclusive one to another (with an overlap of up … Read More

How do I introduce someone new to Polyamory?

LouisaQuestions, Relationship Fluidity & BeyondLeave a Comment

You asked… I’ve met someone who hasn’t heard of poly before. What’s a good way to introduce them? What red flags are there that they’re not accepting it really, but just going along? Thanks. Assuming your ‘someone’ has heard – however vaguely – of open relationships before, I’m going to give you some unconventional advice. Consider – unless it’s too … Read More

What do I do if her Partner Isn’t Poly-Friendly?

LouisaQuestions, Relationship Fluidity & BeyondLeave a Comment

You asked… I think I’m running into a situation where I think I need to break up a relationship, because the living situation of my love and her partner isn’t poly-friendly. I’m minimized when he’s around, not allowed into their home, and having to hide the relationship when she and I are in her neighbourhood. I’ve tried to deal with this for … Read More

Cringe Comedy, Why ‘The Office’ Succeeded Across the Pond

LouisaSociety & Entertainment

Consequently, success in British cringe comedy is more often to be found in dry, dark verbal humour where jokes preferred in the US might be perceived by Brits as too obvious and schmaltzy. The British are more likely expect you to do the work and join the ironic dots if you want to laugh. America delivers humour to your door in superbly constructed sets of punchlines.

Britain is a Eurovision Loser

LouisaSociety & Entertainment, What The Matriarch SeesLeave a Comment

I’d like Britain to be a part of that, I’d like Eurovision to become less of a guilty pleasure and more a resounding celebration of popular music for all countries. I’d like to see even more countries became involved in it (Australia please stay, you were great), for Eurovision to become a concept rather than a ‘club’ where certain member states are allowed to participate.

How Our Disgust for Abuse Erases the Abused

Louisa003 Rewriting the Narrative, The Adoptee Journey

We are programmed as human beings with a biological reaction called ‘disgust’ and as a society, have reinforced this through any number of mechanisms to be able to live together. It’s part of the reason why so many stories of abuse remain untold and why many abusers can go on abusing, sometimes over decades. Abusees become disgusting by their association to abuse. Their stories are often doubted, shunned or dismissed as inconsequential.

Move over ‘Lunch break’, here comes ‘Sex Break’

LouisaBusiness & Tech, What The Matriarch Sees

So a friend of mine has been looking for an assistant. A sign of the times we are living in, he posts a job description on Facebook and receives 15 applications within 2 days. He tells me about the interviews and how he has an excellent woman in mind for the job. I joke saying ‘don’t pick someone based on how hot they are.’ His dry response is ‘well that’s why I picked to work with you.’

Do You Also Choose To Suffer?

LouisaWhat The Matriarch SeesLeave a Comment

Did I choose to suffer when I was beaten by a man who said he loved me? I would have told you no. Never. And anyone who told me otherwise I would have deemed cruel. Privileged. But now it seems I am a person who embraces that truth. And admitting that maybe, just maybe, I am both cruel and privileged (the latter is certainly true).

We Are All the Odd One Out

LouisaWhat The Matriarch Sees

The hard part is when those people who’ve been your loyal supporters, even friends over many years come across a showstopper in your thinking. Something which they decide personally offends them. Many of my articles are controversial and have been notable both in a number of new followers and in those who abruptly stopped following.