The Disenfranchised European Progressive

LouisaPolitics, What The Matriarch Sees

There could be many potential reasons not least that to become a overseas voter is a bureaucratic nightmare, especially for those like me who left before voting age. When I eventually found the energy to jump through all the hoops, I was turned away. The electoral commission had only been formed in 2001 and when I discovered the website several years later, my rights had already expired.

What my White Privilege Says About Punching Nazis

LouisaPolitics, What The Matriarch Sees

For people of colour, white ethics do not promote their survival–it only promotes white people’s survival and usually at the expense of theirs. People of colour have not been allowed voice, still today have less voice and any choice of an ethical framework–even by me, a white person–is ill-informed if it does not take this into account because our reality is weighted privilege.

Now We Are Six

Louisa004 Stopping the Cycle, The Adoptee Journey

But six does not look as A.A. Milne described it in my childhood. Truth to be told, I now realise that it never looked like that, I only wish it did. Six is brutal and I’m feeling its brutality again through my children. It is not reasonable or rational. It is brutal.

How Trump Triggers Complex Trauma

LouisaPolitics, What The Matriarch Sees

Like the flare up of an allergy, and since the shock of the midsummer brexit, I am now in hypervigilance. I see potential harm long before it turns into active threat. And when the red rage comes, I fight or flee to remove that potential from my environment, from my children’s environment. With the Trump presidency, I cannot. It is everywhere. I see it everywhere. Threat is everywhere.

Ethics of Family Screws Democracy

LouisaPolitics, What The Matriarch Sees

We attach to those of our ilk, beyond rationality. And few of us have enough self-awareness to overcome it. The law and our systems were designed to counteract this; ‘the law is reason free from passion’. The very concept of the American electoral system is based on a fundamental belief that some people are able to be more objective than others and will vote for the benefit of all. And yet because of the strength of their own self-interest, the strength of their own reptilian instincts, they will naturally fail to do so.

My Privilege is Uncomfortable

LouisaPower & Privilege, What The Matriarch Sees

So white folk, we have a task in front of us which might seem huge, but really it isn’t. It is to face our own prejudice when the most obvious and comfortable way to survive is to stay in our bubble. It is to step up and be accountable for our ignorance, even if ignorance is part of our humanity. I will hold your hand as we overcome our fragility and cultivate empathy and battle our minds which tell us that it’s not our problem.

Racism stigma furthers the Racist Agenda in Sweden

LouisaPolitics, Power & Privilege, What The Matriarch SeesLeave a Comment

One reason why this immigration was considered successful had nothing to do with Sweden’s ability to integrate immigrants; only that the type of immigrants arriving were more easily ‘integrate-able’ as is still the case today for me. At first sight therefore, when immigrants are able to fit into Swedish culture at a level which allows them to peaceably live and work within the system, we do not see backlashes against immigration.

To Those Who Advise Compassion for Trump Supporters

LouisaPolitics, What The Matriarch Sees

If you are not at the centre then don’t shit on the person whose been hurt – your job is to support them. If you yourself need support in order to do that, bitch to people who are less affected by it; comfort in, dump out… On a macro scale don’t give more burdens to those who have been oppressed. Don’t expect compassion from those who have been dumped on. It is not their job to show it.

What Greater Good is There Than Integrity?

LouisaPolitics, What The Matriarch Sees

But when people are dear to me, I feel they deserve more than ghosting. They deserve at least an attempt to explain why our relationship will be changing. The choice is not binary of course, we could simply be less in each other’s lives. I could reduce contact, fobbing them off with excuses until I achieved my desired effect. But that reduces their power of consent. If they knew how I truly felt about their values and/or consequent actions, then they may choose to cut contact altogether.

Are you a Burning Woman?

LouisaBook Reviews, Power & Privilege, What The Matriarch SeesLeave a Comment

Burning Women–as an archetype in our psyche, not a prescribed gender–are rising in the form of intersectional feminists, queer activists and angry people of colour. We are the rule breakers and we demand that our voices be heard. And as we get stronger, so the forces which suppressed us wage an ever more fierce war. But they cannot stop us.

The Emotional Objectification of Our Children

Louisa004 Stopping the Cycle, The Adoptee Journey

I believe that consistent and repeatable actions during childhood, no matter how small, will build up mental models that we continue to follow as adults. The flaps of butterfly wings do indeed sometimes cause hurricanes. Calling out and correcting unhealthy parenting techniques in myself and others, even I seem pedantic in doing so, means that we can stop hurricanes before they start. Giving children agency and responsibility too early before they are ready to assume them, will result in a catastrophe. Too late, and we risk disempowering them.

Trump, Weltschmertz and Me

LouisaPolitics, What The Matriarch Sees

I’m not laughing anymore. I’m crying because what this farce of an election has done, is to uncover evil in my own home, in my own friends and yes, also in myself. It has torn the veil off those relationships I believed were rock solid. Not because my world or social circle are anything like as extreme as Trump, but because extreme or not, his vile behaviours–like the objectification of women–are so commonplace.

Sex-Positivity for Babies

LouisaParenting, Relationship Fluidity & Beyond

For all we want to help our children to be hygienic, in the long term at least making the ‘dirt can be fun’ narrative accessible to them, will later greatly help their appreciation of the often messy and beautifully ‘dirty’ activity that is sex.

How can I let go of my anger toward my partner & former metamour?

LouisaQuestions, Relationship Fluidity & BeyondLeave a Comment

You asked… I’ll preface by saying my marriage was once incredibly dysfunctional. Neither of us were capable of taking responsibility for our choices or feelings and we got stuck in this cycle of happy for a little while followed by increasing isolation followed by explosive fighting followed my short lived happiness and promises to do better. It was bad. Really … Read More

If I’m jealous, am I also necessarily insecure?

LouisaQuestions, Relationship Fluidity & BeyondLeave a Comment

You Asked… Can somebody who’s completely secure in themselves and their relationship still feel jealousy with respect to their partner? I’ve heard it said that jealousy is rooted in insecurity, but I’ve also heard it said that jealousy is irrational. Can people with complete security in themselves and their relationship still experience jealousy? I Answered… Our rational brain (pre frontal … Read More

How do I Transition from a Nuclear to an Open Family?

LouisaQuestions, Relationship Fluidity & BeyondLeave a Comment

You asked… I’m interested in transitioning from nuclear family to open family. Specifically, in one of your articles you wrote something like “your relationship was missing the conflict that you used to call ‘meaning'” – I’d like that, please! How does a couple set up for successful (aka nourishing, healthy, drama-free) living that includes ‘dating’ other people, sexual connection with … Read More

On The Protocol for Threesomes

LouisaRelationship Fluidity & Beyond, Tips & Tools

Successful threesomes might have many components, but I would boldly state that the best way to ensure satisfaction is through good communication. Yet sitting down to discuss boundaries and consent with long term partner(s) with whom you hopefully have an enviable level of honest communication, is the easier part. It is not so easy to communicate with that spontaneous person you meet at the club, who agrees to participate in fun and games with you and your partner(s) for a one-off encounter.

Desired Things

Louisa004 Stopping the Cycle, The Adoptee Journey

The gift of being able to feel your emotions is therefore the gift of survival. Emotions are signals from our bodies which help us devise strategies which we believe will help us survive. But in order to survive–and thrive–we need to be able to feel all of them. That’s what they are there for.

Torn Between Two Worlds and Ableist Language Shaming

LouisaPolitics, What The Matriarch Sees

Experience inadequacy and confusion when you go out, try to grapple with vastly different public transport systems, inadvertently miss bill payments because the sheer volume of foreign administrative mail takes literally days to wade through. Be misunderstood for your communication and have people shout louder at you thereby triggering your childhood trauma. And then spend even more years trying to learn the language starting with ‘Lesson 1: how to buy an apple’ instead of the more useful topic ‘Lesson 367: dealing with online banking and tax declarations.’

I know what a fucking apple is and how to buy it, since apples and currency work the same in pretty much every language.