I didn’t want to believe her. What I wanted to believe was that the harm Franklin caused was not intentional or conscious. That it was a one-off. That Franklin was a nice guy who had made a few wrong steps. I hoped against hope that it wasn’t as bad as it sounded.
Juggling time is a huge deal in a open relationship if the type of open relationship you have means investing in every relationship you develop. And it’s not only in your intimate relationships, it’s time spent with their parents, their brothers, sisters and depending on how close they are, cousins, uncles, aunts and the rest. It’s the emotional labour of negotiating holidays, cultural and family traditions and personality dynamics.
For me and after extensive self-work, I feel safe in saying no to those I trust, but saying ‘no’ to sexually advancing strangers is highly stressful for me. Understanding and being able to accept my reality, this reality has been a gift.
Countless Facebook group responses advise leaving the home and/or partners if boundaries are crossed. But what if you feel that leaving simply isn’t an option? What if boundaries clash because of a conflict of two valid and sometimes non-negotiable belief systems?
Since codependency attracts codependency in every relationship, the phenomenon becomes polarizing and in a quad or more, exponential. And if you’re polyamorous, codependent couples will attract codependent couples to play their games.
He speaks of her. Of memories. Of what-ifs. Of his confusion. I try my best not to think guiltily about my own lover, my other significant other, sleeping in the bedroom. This heartbreak is his alone. And I am the lucky one.