I believe we are working towards the same goal, which is to make sure our community is safe and one where abuse cannot flourish. With that in mind, I thank you for your unpaid labour and your acknowledgement of some of the harm Franklin Veaux has done over the course of decades.
Clearly I am subjective, but then every single individual is. My research is mainly qualitative, and it supports conclusions derived from interpretation and context. How then, might it be considered credible? Here are some points to debate.
I didn’t want to believe her. What I wanted to believe was that the harm Franklin caused was not intentional or conscious. That it was a one-off. That Franklin was a nice guy who had made a few wrong steps. I hoped against hope that it wasn’t as bad as it sounded.
We didn’t try. We just didn’t not try and according to my calculations, we never had sex at the right time. So I thought that given the minuscule probability if it happened it would be a miracle. God is a bit of a shit stirrer though. A third child, with a different father.
A polyamorous relationship changes the environment your kids grow up in. Those who live and love inside polyamorous relationships know this, because polyamory isn’t something you do like badminton on a Thursday night.
It seems incredible now, but I once thought the notion of intentional families was a simple one. Who wouldn’t want a family actively chosen from people whom you love and who love you with their whole heart instead of some of those conflicted fuck-ups we are saddled with by blood and/or marriage?
‘Love, Retold’ personifies non-violent and exploratory angles on our perceived powerlessness created by an ultimate truth; we cannot control others or their willingness to be in a relationship with us, if we truly seek to love.
Juggling time is a huge deal in a open relationship if the type of open relationship you have means investing in every relationship you develop. And it’s not only in your intimate relationships, it’s time spent with their parents, their brothers, sisters and depending on how close they are, cousins, uncles, aunts and the rest. It’s the emotional labour of negotiating holidays, cultural and family traditions and personality dynamics.
I sincerely believe we’ve achieved what we’ve achieved because our relationship was already open and has been since its inception. Our relationship was open and sexual. It is still open but non-sexual. Timing in our case, was everything.
Instead of working towards a community being aligned in values, we must now work on constructing a sadder, wiser dynamic which accomodates us all as far as possible. Maybe it’s more like a family than I’ve ever realised.
For me and after extensive self-work, I feel safe in saying no to those I trust, but saying ‘no’ to sexually advancing strangers is highly stressful for me. Understanding and being able to accept my reality, this reality has been a gift.
After many such processing sessions and respective conclusions, I’ve come to a grand, meta conclusion. Whilst I might long for multiple connections, I function better alone. I learned some years ago that a solo style of polyamory would be the smart choice for me; that’s a bit of a conundrum when you’re already in a household of six which includes two small kids.
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