Destined to be a Burden

It seems impossible to me now that I shouldn’t have known this. Yet I didn’t ever, ever consider the label C-PTSD, despite overwhelming evidence.

When the Abused, Become the Abuser

Yet emotional abuse is incredibly damaging, perhaps in part because it cannot be recognised and dealt with in the same way. Emotional abuse gets swept under the carpet because it is supported and perpetuated by society as a whole.

Forget-Me-Nots

I’ve thought long and hard how it has come about that I have cast my adoptive mother so definitively in the role of the evil Queen.

Questions You Never Wanted to Ask

I knew that my father had tried to divorce my mother a year before they adopted me. I knew that I was ‘her project’. I knew that he was never around.

Child Knows Best

Agency was conspicuous by its absence in my upbringing. My adoptive mother neither trusted in me, nor in my agency and this might be regarded by many as wise. After all what can a child know about the consequences of their decisions?

How Can We End Abuse?

As a crusader for this system, abuse was not my mother’s intent. She was an agent in an abusive system, whilst believing that it was the best thing for me.

Not Giving a Shit is a Good Thing (Part 3)

The most useful tool I’ve discovered on our life journey is compassionate honesty. It heals so many wounds. This month has given me the chance to compassionately and honestly re-examine the relationship between my adopted Mother and I, to see whether the wound has healed between us. But my mother continues to want to play the game of ‘who-is-right-and-wrong’, and … Read More

Letter to My Estranged Mother (Part 2)

We have each claimed our respective subjective realities to be ‘the’ one and only truth over the years, but as it turns out there is no one and only truth. We can’t change our realities, only accept that my experience is true for me as your experience is true for you. I am not trying to make you wrong. But nor will I undermine my own reality to make you right.

Letter to My Estranged Mother (Part 1)

I discovered last week that you read my blog. This blog! Although my initial reaction was one of fear, after 5 seconds I started laughing at what I imagine your reaction to be when you read about my not-so-private sex life out there on the web.

Passenger Seat

I recoiled at her touch and thought ‘I don’t want to put cream on them. I want them to stay there so you see every day how ugly you made me.’

The Maternal Narcissist

How it became an obsession to become a mother, a perfect mother at any cost. But how no matter how hard she tried, she failed.