Questions You Never Wanted to Ask

I knew that my father had tried to divorce my mother a year before they adopted me. I knew that I was ‘her project’. I knew that he was never around.

The Bouncer

The guilt of who I am, what I have done is so shameful that I cannot face the pain. There is no point in holding someone who is shattered and worthless.

I Called It Love

But it wasn’t about love, it was about power. About how far I would be willing to go. About how much abuse I might be prepared to accept.

The Last Fight

I don’t know whether the roaring was in my head or from his throat, but it felt like I had gone mad.

The Rapist in the Mirror

But what of the men who were genetic fathers to these lost children? Male privilege absolved them of personal responsibility.

Ways I Fucked Up (So Far)

I realised how susceptible we all are to being abusive. Abuse is so prevalent, and so normalized, and often so easy to do, without being even aware of it.

The Fucked-up Truth of Non-Dark Alley Rape

I explain that when you live as a woman, there is often a power imbalance. And that power imbalance means that I would in all likelihood let myself be raped if I perceived a threat. And seeing as the prevalent power imbalance means that threat is ever present, rape is always a viable possibility.

How Can I Help My Abusive Partner?

You asked… I’ve lived with a man for several years, and about a year ago we decided to “go poly”. It was the first time I realized that I didn’t have to put all my energy and effort into one other person, that I was allowed to care for myself and my own needs. Sadly enough, taking responsibility for myself … Read More

Am I abusive?

You asked… I read your response on anxiety with interest and foreboding. I am in an open relationship with my partner. I suffer hugely from anxiety, and although I try to take full responsibility for it, I fear that my initial – uncontrollable – reactions of fear and anxiety impact my partner’s decisions on how or even whether to move … Read More

Harry Potter Normalizes Abuse

Maybe it’s my depression that twists a rainbow world into shades of grey. Or maybe the Order of the Phoenix really is a minefield riddled with C-PTSD.

How Can We End Abuse?

We undermine our children’s powers of consent because we know better the repercussions of their desires. Which mother might not consider a threat or worse, to prevent something which we could conceivably justify as ‘for their own good’? Where is the line?

Why are all the Men I date Assholes?

I have a son and a daughter (with a man who is as far removed from being an asshole as it is possible to be). If either of them were ever caught up in a situation where they were the perpetrator or the victim of such a situation, I don’t know how I would contain my vitriol …or my guilt. Because in both positions, my children would be operating out of a place of low self-esteem. One who needed to feed their ego by taking power to control and manipulate. One who felt they were worth very little and that this was the only relationship they deserved.