But I had broken something, something which seemed tiny and unimportant but which turned out to be the foundation of our relationship. I had broken an unspoken and sacred pact with myself. The promise to keep myself safe. And the castles we had built together started to crumble.
Because it’s about having a guest in your house on a regular basis and having to adjust your previously private behaviour. Until that guest becomes as familiar as family. Making sure we schedule showers with enough hot water for everyone. Doing more regular laundry.
Pethidine locked me away in my own pain prison far away from the delivery room. I rocked myself moaning quietly in the foetal position whilst blue shadows flitted across the room ignoring me, now I was ‘manageable’ and in an altered state of reality.