Dear Louloria, Can somebody who’s completely secure in themselves and their relationship still feel jealousy with respect to their partner? I’ve heard it said that…
Posts published in “The Jealousy Journey”
Dear Louloria, My husband is very poly and has no jealousy issues. I am situationally poly, in that it is not an absolute necessity to…
I am not dismissing those fears and feelings as childhood experience. They are very real and not only because we still experience them as adults, but also because they are unhealed.
Because it's about having a guest in your house on a regular basis and having to adjust your previously private behaviour. Until that guest becomes as familiar as family. Making sure we schedule showers with enough hot water for everyone. Doing more regular laundry.
If you feel jealousy, it means that you also feel need and possession. Accept this. The difficulty is eradicating it. The only way you know you have eradicated it is if you stop feeling jealous... which presents a problem.
In your head because need is so strongly associated with love, to stop needing someone also means to stop loving someone. And you don't want that. You will fight hard to keep 'needing' someone because it is what you think love is. But I want you to know that even if you think that your love will be diminished if you take away the need, it won't be.
The mind perceives it as a loss of the self and creates insecurity as a means of survival. After all, if your mother were to disappear before you are able to take care of yourself, it might mean death. But this pattern established in our formative years, no longer serves us as adults. Losing someone no longer means death. Rationally we know it. And yet relationship after relationship we reinforce it (some idiots even sing about it).