Help! If I’m jealous, am I also necessarily insecure?

Dear Louloria, Can somebody who’s completely secure in themselves and their relationship still feel jealousy with respect to their partner? I’ve heard it said that jealousy is rooted in insecurity, but I’ve also heard it said that jealousy is irrational. Can people with complete security in themselves and their relationship still experience jealousy? Hi there, Interesting fact. Our rational brain …

Help! Does Jealousy Mimic Childhood Relationships?

Dear Louloria, Would love your opinions on something I’ve been pondering: in my immediate mono and poly friends I think I’m seeing a link with the amount of jealousy you feel and the amount of jealousy you felt towards siblings as a child. For example, I don’t remember having any such feelings towards my younger sister, quite the opposite. And …

Help! Should Our Power Exchange Couple Date As A Couple?

Dear Louloria, My husband is very poly and has no jealousy issues. I am situationally poly, in that it is not an absolute necessity to me. My questions arises in that we are a power exchange couple. My husband has another woman in his life that is his submissive. They are not sexually involved. I started out in a friendship …

The First Child Syndrome and Metamour Jealousy

I am not dismissing those fears and feelings as childhood experience. They are very real and not only because we still experience them as adults, but also because they are unhealed.

How To Stop Feeling Jealous

If you feel jealousy, it means that you also feel need and possession. Accept this. The difficulty is eradicating it. The only way you know you have eradicated it is if you stop feeling jealous… which presents a problem.

In your head because need is so strongly associated with love, to stop needing someone also means to stop loving someone. And you don’t want that. You will fight hard to keep ‘needing’ someone because it is what you think love is. But I want you to know that even if you think that your love will be diminished if you take away the need, it won’t be.

Why Jealousy is a Wonderful Opportunity

The mind perceives it as a loss of the self and creates insecurity as a means of survival. After all, if your mother were to disappear before you are able to take care of yourself, it might mean death. But this pattern established in our formative years, no longer serves us as adults. Losing someone no longer means death. Rationally we know it. And yet relationship after relationship we reinforce it (some idiots even sing about it).

Jealousy in an Open Relationship

Deep, deep down, I still fear abandonment which will reinforce the lie that rings like truth in my ears that I am inherently, and personally, shameful and unlovable.