When you’re openly polyamorous, you’re so used to criticism that it starts to be rather trite and almost inevitable. But whilst hearing it from strangers doesn’t hurt, hearing it from your new boyfriend’s Mum might be a little more personal.
“It’s so difficult to play games like truth or dare with monogamous people,” said my boyfriend. “The dare is always about daring people to do stuff you know they’re forbidden to do normally and you never know how far you can push them. Is it okay to dare someone to snog their mate or show their boob? Am I crossing some sort of monogamy line?”
Every step we take together in this relationship, so poignant and so transient, is both amazing and – potentially – heartbreaking.
Comics have a unique educational style. I started with Garfield, worked through Dilbert, had my mind opened by The Far Side and laughed til I cried at Calvin & Hobbes. Capturing relevance and provoking emotional response is a hard task in a 500 word blog post, let alone a four panel drawing. Tikva Wolf has managed it… introducing Kimchi Cuddles …
Even if ‘Unity, Justice and Freedom’ is considered the unofficial national motto, that’s not what springs to mind when foreigners think of Germany. You might think immediately of their incredible organization, their love of rules and beautifully shameless attitude to sex. You might also remember their extraordinary powers of thinking which produced great philosophers like Kant, Schopenhauer, Marx and Nietzsche. …
The importance of this is highlighted by research that finds that it is difficult to clearly distinguish between monogamous and non-monogamous people. Like all such polarities they break down when examined closely. Consider Alfred Kinsey and Lisa Diamond’s work on sexuality – both finding that this is a lot more complex than the gay/straight polarity would suggest.
In fact the whole book is a dichotomous mixture of wisdom and self deprecating wit with serious clinical terms and sit-com humour. In this way it is far more palatable than other psychology text books.
The mind perceives it as a loss of the self and creates insecurity as a means of survival. After all, if your mother were to disappear before you are able to take care of yourself, it might mean death. But this pattern established in our formative years, no longer serves us as adults. Losing someone no longer means death. Rationally we know it. And yet relationship after relationship we reinforce it (some idiots even sing about it).
A truly comprehensive coverage of various relationship issues are examined in a therapeutic setting – death of sex in a relationship, cheating and broken trust, development of a workable triad, first time swinging and my personal favourite, the polyamorous-monogamous configuration.
Monogamy is designed to keep couples together by creating barriers of exit; socially; financially and psychologically. One cannot look at the divorce statistics to ascertain how successful it is; this only proves how many couples remain married. Not how many couples remain happily married… Judging by how many marriages now end in divorce since it became more socially acceptable, that’s not many over the long term.
My sister-in-law has a new boyfriend who doesn’t want to meet her ex-husband. Not for a second. Not even to say hello, let alone a coffee. He can’t bear the thought of her having had sex with her ex- (which they obviously did at least twice because they have two children together). This behaviour is perfectly accepted by and large in …
John is from the North of England. He co-admins the UK Polyamory group on Facebook, doesn’t drive a car, and has a degree in Environmental Health. But his journey was kick-started by tragedy.