A Proper Family Christmas

My children do not count as ‘proper’ grandchildren because I didn’t grow up with our mother. For him there are two criteria. Blood AND environment.

Square Peg, Round hole

I didn’t feel odd, or unconventional. I fit. I felt like this was my family, my tribe, with all its weird and wonderful troubles and joys. 

Polyamory’s #metoo

There is no shortage of corroboration for Franklin’s harmful behaviours. I have taken the testimony of five women, and the supporting testimony of others.

#Metoo Motivations

I didn’t want to believe her.  What I wanted to believe was that the harm Franklin caused was not intentional or conscious. That it was a one-off. That Franklin was a nice guy who had made a few wrong steps. I hoped against hope that it wasn’t as bad as it sounded.

Ways I Fucked Up (So Far)

I realised how susceptible we all are to being abusive. Abuse is so prevalent, and so normalized, and often so easy to do, without being even aware of it.

The Credibility of Polyamory’s #MeToo Research

Clearly I am subjective, but then every single individual is. My research is mainly qualitative, and it supports conclusions derived from interpretation and context. How then, might it be considered credible? Here are some points to debate.

Response to Dr. Elisabeth Sheff

I believe we are working towards the same goal, which is to make sure our community is safe and one where abuse cannot flourish.

A look at “The Polyamorous Home”

There is nothing wrong with partners who choose not give up their own self-determination in order to support a community they have played no part in making.

The Threesome Protocol

Successful threesomes might have many components, but I would boldly state that the best way to ensure satisfaction is through good communication. Yet sitting down to discuss boundaries and consent with long term partner(s) with whom you hopefully have an enviable level of honest communication, is the easier part. It is not so easy to communicate with that spontaneous person you meet at the club, who agrees to participate in fun and games with you and your partner(s) for a one-off encounter.

Becoming Chosen Family

She might also achieve that status by bonding with the children. But as a fiercely protective mother, I limited that interaction. It requires my trust too.

On Creating Authentic Connection

To have an authentic relationship, you must be comfortable with uncertainty. You must be able, not only to tolerate but also enjoy the intransigence.

My Boyfriend and His Primary Are Falling Apart. What do I do?

You asked… I have been a secondary partner in my poly relationship. Recently my boyfriend and his girlfriend have been having a lot of relationship issues. The rift between them has caused a shift in our dynamic. We all live together, and even our sleeping arrangements have even changed. My boyfriend and I, I feel, have become the primary relationship, … Read More

Am I a Cheater or Am I Polyamorous?

You asked… “Recently I heard about polyamory. I’d heard of open relationships of course, but I did not know it had a name or what polyamorous really meant. My question is that I do not know if I am. On the two occasions when I have had a monogamous relationship long-term, I ended up falling in love with others. People believe … Read More

Do I Lie to My Teenage Son About Being Open?

You asked… After having been in an “open” relationship with my wife for the past 4.5 years but never had another relationship per se, I have now had a girlfriend for the past 4 months. Originally the two were kept quite separate, mostly due to my wife not necessarily needing to see her, but now she comes over regularly, stays … Read More

What is Ethical About Polyamory?

You asked… I consider myself polyamorous. Full on polyamorous. Or at least I did until I was trying to debate with a friend about the ethical component of polyamory. I defined polyamory as consensual, ethical and responsible non-monogamy.  I realised that I’m down with the area of consent and responsibility but for me, consent and responsibility *is* what is ethical about polyamory … Read More