Don’t Revisit your Childhood, on your Children

Louisa Leontiades Family Leave a Comment

As the world evolves, so humanity remains essentially emotionally the same. One part angel, one part devil, all of us suffering from the influences of religion, society and our parents. All of it crystallized in sharp relief within the hellish prison of childhood. I always said I’d never forget…and yet now I have children, I find myself getting annoyed because …

Pink or Blue? A Question of Dress

Louisa Leontiades Family

My collective decisions about my son’s and my daughter’s environments shoehorns them into an identity. My sons clothes are brown. Dark blue. Green. Black. Mini combat trousers. Mini puffer jackets. Mini sweatshirts. My boy is only allowed to be a soldier, a rapper, or a sportsman.

The Abusive Reunion (Part 2)

Louisa Leontiades Abuse, Abuse-General, Adoptee Experience Leave a Comment

I went to university in Plymouth. Home of Ritzy’s nightclub, Plymouth Pavilions and sailors. Sailors are notorious for their promiscuous habits and it seems very unsurprising to me now, that my biological father was a sailor. I was headed back for the second year of university; away from the trauma of meeting my father for the first time, to more, …

The Abusive Reunion (Part 1)

Louisa Leontiades Abuse, Abuse-General, Adoptee Experience

At the time I didn’t know there was such a phenomenon called Genetic Sexual Attraction; if I had, I might have been able to intellectualize what was happening. But I doubt it. Because at 21 although legally an adult, I still had the naive mind of a child. A child who simply wanted love and acceptance, and who’d been searching for it her whole life.

A Day of Parental Paradox

Louisa Leontiades Family

Today when I arrive at nursery, my daughter is playing outside with the other children. I see her hiding behind a screen and popping out like a jack in the box to the repeated amazement and delighted applause of her teacher. ‘Ta-dah’! She does it 5 times before she spots me. And when she finally does see me, she leaps out and runs across the yard …

Why Mothers Should be Selfish

Louisa Leontiades Family

I don’t of course expect anyone to take care of me. I don’t expect to be taken care of, period. Surely that’s not a mother’s lot. But by not taking care of myself and my own needs, by not living my own life, my therapist says I am not taking responsibility for my own happiness. Because I have been taught to believe that my happiness should be found in my children.

God Moves in Mysterious Ways

Louisa Leontiades Maternal Narcissism

But here was another curious thing. My parents were together in the same room. Yet they were divorced. My father was around a lot more often in my dream, it seemed. And they were going to the supermarket together. What was that all about?

Birth Trauma

Louisa Leontiades Family

Pethidine locked me away in my own pain prison far away from the delivery room. I rocked myself moaning quietly in the foetal position whilst blue shadows flitted across the room ignoring me, now I was ‘manageable’ and in an altered state of reality.