I’ve been following Sophia Gubb’s personal development & activism blog for the last few years reading how her life has transformed as she’s gone from…
Posts published in “Polyamory”
How could there be any benefit in having another loving adult added to the parenting mix? Or in the simple logistics that three parental figures make less work? I'm not about to refute the potential impact of my children's loss and heartache, if my boyfriend-who-is-not-the-father (WINTF) would ever leave, but people do break up, move away and die all the time and you don't have to be in a relationship for that to happen.
And so when she said she wanted to meet me after spending a magical evening with my boyfriend, I screamed with joy and threw my hat in the air. Well at least metaphorically (I am British after all).
There are acts and there are consequences. When you're a woman with a constant barrage of messages, most of which focus on your appearance, you can become dismissive and even sick of having to reply to them. It creates a greater propensity to dismiss those who have reached out. To treat them like objects. Sarah made her selection on whether she found the image attractive. She objectified the men who had objectified her.
Since codependency attracts codependency in every relationship, the phenomenon becomes polarizing and in a quad or more, exponential. And if you're polyamorous, codependent couples will attract codependent couples to play their games.
Today Franklin Veaux is a leader and advocate in the polyamorous community; but over ten years ago Franklin Veaux was not a man whose word was respected.
He was not the man whose articles about agency and consent have been shared thousands of times across the internet. And if his site was popular, it was only because it caused such controversy and such upset in the polyamorous community that it was - like others issue like abortion - highly divisive.
At what point do you define 'being in a relationship'? Is it more than one date? Is it when you decide to be exclusive? Is it when you label each other boyfriend/girlfriend?
For those who define themselves as polyfidelitous, swingers or even monogamous, they have chosen the relationship structure which suits them best because of the way their brains, minds, genetic needs and prior relationships have created their sense of selves and who they feel they are.
I hunger for more validation. More than being embraced by his family, which I am. More than us all being accepted by my friends, which we are. I hunger for the type of validation that marriage brings.
Whilst much of my writing colours polyamory in a rose tinted light, I am not ignorant of the enormous pain that it might and does bring to many. Those who say my credibility is damaged and that I am stupid because I ignore the obvious pain signals which should prevent me practising polyamory, are only proving their own ignorance about the necessity and role of pain in our lives.
He speaks of her. Of memories. Of what-ifs. Of his confusion. I try my best not to think guiltily about my own lover, my other significant other, sleeping in the bedroom. This heartbreak is his alone. And I am the lucky one.
Sexual objectification is part and parcel of what we do, how we evaluate our potential partners and how we as a society procreate. But there are acts and there are consequences. Sexual objectification is fine as long as it is a small part of a greater appreciation, but it will constrain the longevity of your sexual relationship if this is the only basis of sexual attraction.