Because the price I’ve paid for being in this relationship has been the loss of my identity. Any identity I assume, is all too easily discarded. My core is nameless, faceless. Unbound by morals, and untethered to values. And after two years of untying knots to ‘who I am’, what’s left is an unmanned boat free but without direction, sailing on the tide of life.
The more extreme our childhood regarding these two phenomena, the more they will continue to resound through our lives and relationships as adults. I am not dismissing those fears and feelings as childhood experience. They are very real and not only because we still experience them as adults, but also because they are unhealed.
How could there be any benefit in having another loving adult added to the parenting mix? Or in the simple logistics that three parental figures make less work? I’m not about to refute the potential impact of my children’s loss and heartache, if my boyfriend-who-is-not-the-father (WINTF) would ever leave, but people do break up, move away and die all the time and you don’t have to be in a relationship for that to happen.
And so when she said she wanted to meet me after spending a magical evening with my boyfriend, I screamed with joy and threw my hat in the air. Well at least metaphorically (I am British after all).
There are acts and there are consequences. When you’re a woman with a constant barrage of messages, most of which focus on your appearance, you can become dismissive and even sick of having to reply to them. It creates a greater propensity to dismiss those who have reached out. To treat them like objects. Sarah made her selection on whether she found the image attractive. She objectified the men who had objectified her.
At what point do you define ‘being in a relationship’? Is it more than one date? Is it when you decide to be exclusive? Is it when you label each other boyfriend/girlfriend?