Time, the Cost of Consent and Parallel Polyamory

In Diaries, Epic Relationships, Polyamory by Louisa Leontiades

Juggling time is a huge deal in a open relationship if the type of open relationship you have means investing in every relationship you develop. And it’s not only in your intimate relationships, it’s time spent with their parents, their brothers, sisters and depending on how close they are, cousins, uncles, aunts and the rest. It’s the emotional labour of negotiating holidays, cultural and family traditions and personality dynamics.

The Crossroads of Polyamory and Complex Trauma

In Diaries, Epic Relationships, Polyamory, Unfenced Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

For myself I discard the word ‘disorder’ as a part of C-PTSD, finding it more useful to disaggregate the various traumas to more easily see where they intensify or diffuse my adult actions, reactions and preferences. And how these help or hinder me from tackling what life throws in my path. Being polyamorous or practising consensual non-monogamy whilst also dealing with the consequences of complex trauma, has a few subtleties all of its own.

Why I’m solo-polyamorous but living in a community

In Diaries, Epic Relationships, Polyamory by Louisa Leontiades

After many such processing sessions and respective conclusions, I’ve come to a grand, meta conclusion. Whilst I might long for multiple connections, I function better alone. I learned some years ago that a solo style of polyamory would be the smart choice for me; that’s a bit of a conundrum when you’re already in a household of six which includes two small kids.

Life as a Story

In Diaries, Epic Relationships, Polyamory, Unfenced Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

I’m coming to realise that whilst I may not need a map per se, I do need a story. And the story, like all good stories, must have a beginning, a middle and an end. You and I, we’ve long since passed the beginning, and we’ve had a good bit of the middle. This here, is the midpoint of the story. The mirror moment. Because my stories need substance; they need love affairs, plot twists, growth experiences and character arcs. We’ve grown together, and now I believe it is time to grow independently.

The Clash of Relationship Anarchy with Romantic Hierarchy

In Diaries, Epic Relationships, Relationship Anarchy, Unfenced Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

I have no one more important than my chosen family. Right now I exist for them and as a reflection of them. I fear that the death of my family, would be the death of me, even if logically I know it to be untrue. In the past I have cleaved towards friends whom I considered as important as my family, only to have them demote me–when push came to shove–in favour of blood ties, even blood ties they despised.

Becoming Chosen Family

In Diaries, Epic Relationships, Polyamory, Unfenced Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

She had no piece of paper, no recognised validity save what she and my partner felt for one another. She was a guest in my home–the home of a woman she hardly knew–but it was also her boyfriend’s home and she knew him a lot better. My lack of trust was understandable, acceptable even, but that didn’t make it easier for her to handle.

How to Manage Threesomes & More-somes

In Epic Relationships, How Tos..., Polyamory, Unfenced Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

Successful threesomes might have many components, but I would boldly state that the best way to ensure satisfaction is through good communication. Yet sitting down to discuss boundaries and consent with long term partner(s) with whom you hopefully have an enviable level of honest communication, is the easier part. It is not so easy to communicate with that spontaneous person you meet at the club, who agrees to participate in fun and games with you and your partner(s) for a one-off encounter.

Schrodinger’s Child

In Diaries, Epic Relationships, Polyamory, Unfenced Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

That evening I got home, Maya was laid up with a belly bug. One of those hideous ones which repeat endlessly and which necessitate the washing of sheets, scrubbing of sick, showering of small infants who detest water. I stayed up all night looking after her and at 6am Freddie awoke wanting to play. Morten and I were exhausted. But when I looked at them still I felt, it was all worth it. And smelling of sick, I still burned for them.

#4 Sex-Positive Parenting

In Activist Interviews, Epic Relationships, Polyamory, Unfenced Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

Sarah: Hello! Welcome to Polyamorous People episode four! I just got my announcer voice on, I didn’t mean to but it happens anyway. Louisa: You’re an actress darling. Sarah: (affecting a wealthy dilettante voice) Darling, yes Darling it’s time to talk about polyamorous people. So, my name is Sarah Arlen, this is the fantastic Louisa Leontiades… Louisa: Hey guys! Sarah: …