Help! How Can I Let Go Of My Anger Toward My Partner & Former Metamour

In Advice Column, Epic Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

Dear Louloria, I’ll preface by saying my marriage was once incredibly dysfunctional. Neither of us were capable of taking responsibility for our choices or feelings and we got stuck in this cycle of happy for a little while followed by increasing isolation followed by explosive fighting followed my short lived happiness and promises to do better. It was bad. Really …

Help! If I’m jealous, am I also necessarily insecure?

In Advice Column, Epic Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

Can somebody who’s completely secure in themselves and their relationship still feel jealousy with respect to their partner? Hi there, Interesting fact. Our rational brain (pre frontal cortex) and emotional brain (limbic system) don’t communicate directly with one another. Instead what happens is that we receive an external stimulus e.g. your partner talking intimately to someone else, and the emotional …

Help! How do I let my crush know that my marriage is non-monogamous?

In Advice Column, Epic Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

I’m happy for you experiencing intense crushes, there really is nothing like them! But from a biological standpoint it’s a whole bunch of hormones rushing round your body… namely adrenalin and phenylethylamine which is putting you in a state which diverts your bodily functions away from those minor inconveniences like eating and sleeping. Basically, you’re high.

Help! What is Ethical About Polyamory?

In Advice Column, Epic Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

In this context, ethical is the umbrella term whilst consent and responsibility fall under this. By general consensus, ripe timing and my own personal opinion, it seems that the More Than Two definition may rapidly be becoming the definition of ‘polyamory’ itself and if that is the case, then it is these underlying beliefs which distinguish ethical (to be redundant) polyamory from other forms of non-monogamy, consensual or otherwise.

Help! Two Partners And No Sex?

In Advice Column, Epic Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

Sex itself is not a need. That doesn’t mean that it isn’t important, just that we can choose to define it differently and this may be more helpful in figuring out what to do. It’s important that you reconsider your perception of sex as a need, because–in a hopefully hypothetical and extreme case–if you consider it a need you will have to add more and more people to your relationship if they stop having sex with you (for whatever reason!) and you risk treating them as objects to fulfil this ‘need’. Such a paradigm is unsustainable.

Help! How Can I Help My Abusive Partner?

In Advice Column, Epic Relationships by Louisa Leontiades

The only way for him and his self esteem to improve is for him to take responsibility for his actions and emotions. But that must be his choice. Can you reach him?

Only by continuing to assume your own agency and by taking responsibility for your agency–and only yours.

If he cannot get what he wants from you, if he cannot force you take responsibility for his actions and/or emotions, he has very few options available to him.