Ways I Fucked Up (So Far)

Louisa Leontiades #metoo, Abuse, Abuse-General, Activist Polyamory, Constructs, Journalism, On Writing, Open Relationships Leave a Comment

During this process, I realised how susceptible we all are to being abusive. Abuse is so prevalent, and so normalized, and often so much a function of our gut reactions that it is easy to do, without being even aware of it. Worse still, it’s even easy to abuse when you are trying to help someone.

The Rapist in the Mirror

Louisa Leontiades Abuse, Abuse-General, Adoptee Experience

The powerful emotional link that binds families who grow up together often manifests itself in curious ways when adult adoptees meet their biological families. Yet as common as it is, few want to touch it because–well–incest. But this issue needs more awareness, and not only because according to recent reports it’s on the rise. Also because I believe that it’s a fertile ground for a particular type of abuse.

To Those Who Advise Compassion for Trump Supporters

Louisa Leontiades Abuse-General, Cult-Biz-Tech, Politics

If you are not at the centre then don’t shit on the person whose been hurt – your job is to support them. If you yourself need support in order to do that, bitch to people who are less affected by it; comfort in, dump out… On a macro scale don’t give more burdens to those who have been oppressed. Don’t expect compassion from those who have been dumped on. It is not their job to show it.

No, Doesn’t Always Mean No

Louisa Leontiades Abuse, Abuse-General

I can understand of course, why that always has to be the line in our culture of legal, illegal. Ethical, unethical. But language both drives and is driven by, humanity and culture. Defining polar opposites of ‘yes and no’ means simply by their definitions these opposites are reinforced. Of course they do exist but as with everything else… they exist on a spectrum. Our positions of ‘yes’ and ‘no’ are only two binary values in a world full of grey.

And so the Abused, Becomes the Abuser

Louisa Leontiades Abuse, Abuse-General

Yet emotional abuse is incredibly damaging, perhaps in part because it cannot be recognised and dealt with in the same way. Emotional abuse gets swept under the carpet because it is supported and perpetuated by society as a whole.

Like The Poppy

Louisa Leontiades Abuse, Abuse-General

These are the piercing secrets we whisper to one another in our late night conversations, in those moments of vulnerability, before putting our metaphorical masks on again. Life is a game. A game driven by our kinks, our fascination with power and objectification.

How Our Disgust for Abuse Erases the Abused

Louisa Leontiades Abuse, Abuse-General

We are programmed as human beings with a biological reaction called ‘disgust’ and as a society, have reinforced this through any number of mechanisms to be able to live together. It’s part of the reason why so many stories of abuse remain untold and why many abusers can go on abusing, sometimes over decades. Abusees become disgusting by their association to abuse. Their stories are often doubted, shunned or dismissed as inconsequential.

How Can We End Abuse?

Louisa Leontiades Abuse, Abuse-General

We undermine our children’s powers of consent because we know better the repercussions of their desires. Which mother might not consider a threat or worse, to prevent something which we could conceivably justify as ‘for their own good’? Where is the line?

The Abusive Reunion (Part 2)

Louisa Leontiades Abuse, Abuse-General, Adoptee Experience Leave a Comment

I went to university in Plymouth. Home of Ritzy’s nightclub, Plymouth Pavilions and sailors. Sailors are notorious for their promiscuous habits and it seems very unsurprising to me now, that my biological father was a sailor. I was headed back for the second year of university; away from the trauma of meeting my father for the first time, to more, …

The Abusive Reunion (Part 1)

Louisa Leontiades Abuse, Abuse-General, Adoptee Experience

At the time I didn’t know there was such a phenomenon called Genetic Sexual Attraction; if I had, I might have been able to intellectualize what was happening. But I doubt it. Because at 21 although legally an adult, I still had the naive mind of a child. A child who simply wanted love and acceptance, and who’d been searching for it her whole life.