Grieving the Grandmother I Never Knew

In Adoptee Experience, Complicated Roots by Louisa Leontiades

Because it was courage that my mother showed in telling no-one for 21 years, and giving me up to strangers. For the sake of herself and for the sake of her family she did the hardest thing anyone can ask of a mother. Because even as her daughter, I was not part of their family and in the 1970s could never be a legitimate part of it.

How To Love After Maternal Narcissism

In Complicated Roots, Maternal Narcissism by Louisa Leontiades

One of the biggest dangers of growing up with a narcissistic mother, is that you will believe that the relationship you have with her is a loving and rewarding one. And even if you don’t it’s the original relationship which created your idea of what a relationship should look like. Which means that one day soon, you’ll be going out with a narcissist yourself.

We Are The Ugly Ducklings

In Adoptee Experience, Complicated Roots by Louisa Leontiades

The Ugly Duckling is about a cygnet who feels abused and isolated from his adopted Duck family. He eventually has a happy reunion as a transformed swan with his ‘natural’ Swan family. As an adoptee, when I read this story, it wasn’t the pain of the abuse or the despair of the outcast ‘duckling’ that resonated with me. It was the confusion he felt at believing for his whole life he was a duck, when in actual fact he was a swan. How do you know who you are?

Family Is What You Make It

In Adoptee Experience, Complicated Roots by Louisa Leontiades

My family was not one I was born to, it was one I made and continue to make on a daily basis. My family is a group of people who I trust and whose support I use to empower myself to grow in this world. I have relatives of course, but they are not who I consider my family.

The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier

In Adoptee Experience, Complicated Roots by Louisa Leontiades

For those adoptees who lose their mother before the separation of the self occurs at around 2-3 years old, they will manifest a primal wound. A deep and lasting impact.

Worse still, it is a impact which is unacknowledged buried deep in the subconscious and thus remains unhealed…

Is Loving Without Attachment An Enlightened Disorder?

In Adoptee Experience, Complicated Roots by Louisa Leontiades

I have no doubt that this is a direct consequence of my being relinquished by my biological mother, and subsequent adoption by my narcissist mother. It’s a modus operandi which has worked really well for me in the past. But now, it may be starting to cause a problem for me (and not just others). Indeed until now, I didn’t realise that it was actually a problem for others, I just assumed that they felt the same way as I did. That I didn’t really exist for them, if I wasn’t there.

Why I Love My Children Differently

In Complicated Roots, Parenting-General by Louisa Leontiades

I’ve asked other mothers. Just a few though. Because it’s not a topic that you can bring up with those who aren’t close to you. I’ve particularly asked those who like me, had a daughter first and then a son. Just to test out whether the way I love my children has to do with my first time mother anxiety. I ask them ~

Do you love your children differently?

Usually what people hear when I say that is “do you love one more than the other?”

Few would answer yes. Society forbids it.

The Abusive Reunion (Part 3 – reframing)

In Adoptee Experience, Complicated Roots by Louisa Leontiades

I met my biological father when I was 20. An adoptee, desperately seeking the face for an identity she had yet to form. Our meeting was hidden from my adoptive parents and facilitated by my biological mother who had yet to realize the reality of the man who was my father. The man who would become my rapist. And as …