Help! How Can I Let Go Of My Anger Toward My Partner & Former Metamour

Louisa Leontiades Ask Louloria, Open Relationships

Dear Louloria, I’ll preface by saying my marriage was once incredibly dysfunctional. Neither of us were capable of taking responsibility for our choices or feelings and we got stuck in this cycle of happy for a little while followed by increasing isolation followed by explosive fighting followed my short lived happiness and promises to do better. It was bad. Really …

Help! If I’m jealous, am I also necessarily insecure?

Louisa Leontiades Ask Louloria, Open Relationships, The Jealousy Journey

Dear Louloria, Can somebody who’s completely secure in themselves and their relationship still feel jealousy with respect to their partner? I’ve heard it said that jealousy is rooted in insecurity, but I’ve also heard it said that jealousy is irrational. Can people with complete security in themselves and their relationship still experience jealousy? Hi there, Interesting fact. Our rational brain …

Help! How do I Transition from a Nuclear to an Open Family?

Louisa Leontiades Ask Louloria, Open Relationships

Dear Louloria, I’m interested in transitioning from nuclear family to open family. Specifically, in one of your articles you wrote something like “your relationship was missing the conflict that you used to call ‘meaning’” – I’d like that, please! How does a couple set up for successful (aka nourishing, healthy, drama-free) living that includes ‘dating’ other people, sexual connection with …

Help! What is Ethical About Polyamory?

Louisa Leontiades Ask Louloria, Open Relationships

Dear Louloria, I consider myself polyamorous. Full on polyamorous. Or at least I did until I was trying to debate with a friend about the ethical component of polyamory. I defined polyamory as consensual, ethical and responsible non-monogamy.  I realised that I’m down with the area of consent and responsibility but for me, consent and responsibility *is* what is ethical about polyamory …

Help! I’m a bi-woman crushing on a het-woman

Louisa Leontiades Ask Louloria, Open Relationships

Dear Louloria, I met a women around my age yesterday evening, and had a great time playing cards, drinking at a bar and conversing with her. This is the first romantic crush on a cis-woman I have had, and would definitely describe us as mutually romantically flirting. She asked if I wanted to be walked home, to hug, for a …

Help! How do I deal with Sexual Fantasies About My Mother?

Louisa Leontiades Adoptee Experience, Ask Louloria

Dear Louloria, I was reading your post last week on jealousy mimicking childhood patterns, and it really resonated with me – especially since I’m also an adoptee! I wanted your opinion on the correlation and confusion between nurturing and sexuality from a 41 yr old man who never received maternal nurturing growing up. Once I met met my biological mother …

Help! Does Jealousy Mimic Childhood Relationships?

Louisa Leontiades Ask Louloria, Open Relationships, The Jealousy Journey

Dear Louloria, Would love your opinions on something I’ve been pondering: in my immediate mono and poly friends I think I’m seeing a link with the amount of jealousy you feel and the amount of jealousy you felt towards siblings as a child. For example, I don’t remember having any such feelings towards my younger sister, quite the opposite. And …

Help! My Boyfriend and His Primary GF Are Falling Apart

Louisa Leontiades Ask Louloria, Open Relationships

Dear Louloria, I have been a secondary partner in my poly relationship. Recently my boyfriend and his girlfriend have been having a lot of relationship issues. The rift between them has caused a shift in our dynamic. We all live together, and even our sleeping arrangements have even changed. My boyfriend and I, I feel, have become the primary relationship, …