Help! How Can I Let Go Of My Anger Toward My Partner & Former Metamour

Dear Louloria, I’ll preface by saying my marriage was once incredibly dysfunctional. Neither of us were capable of taking responsibility for our choices or feelings and we got stuck in this cycle of happy for a little while followed by increasing isolation followed by explosive fighting followed my short lived happiness and promises to do better. It was bad. Really …

Help! If I’m jealous, am I also necessarily insecure?

Dear Louloria, Can somebody who’s completely secure in themselves and their relationship still feel jealousy with respect to their partner? I’ve heard it said that jealousy is rooted in insecurity, but I’ve also heard it said that jealousy is irrational. Can people with complete security in themselves and their relationship still experience jealousy? Hi there, Interesting fact. Our rational brain …

Help! How do I initiate the talk about opening our relationship?

Dear Louloria, I’ve been married for three years but I’ve always have female friends that I’ve been very attached too. I would go as far as to say I love them. I’ve always struggled with this feeling that I would just to love to touch them or kiss them but I’ve always backed out of these thoughts. It might seem …

Help! How do I Transition from a Nuclear to an Open Family?

Dear Louloria, I’m interested in transitioning from nuclear family to open family. Specifically, in one of your articles you wrote something like “your relationship was missing the conflict that you used to call ‘meaning’” – I’d like that, please! How does a couple set up for successful (aka nourishing, healthy, drama-free) living that includes ‘dating’ other people, sexual connection with …

Help! How do I let my crush know that my marriage is non-monogamous?

Dear Louloria! I live in a very happy marriage, me and my husband are deeply and passionately in love with each other and this is very evident to people who are around us. We both have a big capacity for love, and I have always been polyamorous but haven’t seen this as a life style option until a while ago …

Help! What is Ethical About Polyamory?

Dear Louloria, I consider myself polyamorous. Full on polyamorous. Or at least I did until I was trying to debate with a friend about the ethical component of polyamory. I defined polyamory as consensual, ethical and responsible non-monogamy.  I realised that I’m down with the area of consent and responsibility but for me, consent and responsibility *is* what is ethical about polyamory …

Help! I’m a bi-woman crushing on a het-woman

Dear Louloria, I met a women around my age yesterday evening, and had a great time playing cards, drinking at a bar and conversing with her. This is the first romantic crush on a cis-woman I have had, and would definitely describe us as mutually romantically flirting. She asked if I wanted to be walked home, to hug, for a …

Help! How do I deal with Sexual Fantasies About My Mother?

Dear Louloria, I was reading your post last week on jealousy mimicking childhood patterns, and it really resonated with me – especially since I’m also an adoptee! I wanted your opinion on the correlation and confusion between nurturing and sexuality from a 41 yr old man who never received maternal nurturing growing up. Once I met met my biological mother …

Help! Does Jealousy Mimic Childhood Relationships?

Dear Louloria, Would love your opinions on something I’ve been pondering: in my immediate mono and poly friends I think I’m seeing a link with the amount of jealousy you feel and the amount of jealousy you felt towards siblings as a child. For example, I don’t remember having any such feelings towards my younger sister, quite the opposite. And …

Help! Why Do My Exes Go Out With Women Exactly Like Me

Dear Louloria, I am experiencing a pattern in my relationships that I would like some insight into please. When my relationships come to an end, my exes choose a very similar woman to me as their next partner. They are similar to me in looks, tastes and personality. They also do it just a few weeks after our breakup. It’s painful to be …

Help! My Boyfriend and His Primary GF Are Falling Apart

Dear Louloria, I have been a secondary partner in my poly relationship. Recently my boyfriend and his girlfriend have been having a lot of relationship issues. The rift between them has caused a shift in our dynamic. We all live together, and even our sleeping arrangements have even changed. My boyfriend and I, I feel, have become the primary relationship, …

Help! Am I a Cheater or Am I Polyamorous?

Dear Louloria Recently I heard about polyamory. I’d heard of open relationships of course, but I did not know it had a name or what polyamorous really meant. My question is that I do not know if I am. On the two occasions when I have had a monogamous relationship long-term, I ended up falling in love with others. People believe that if you …