I can’t make my child into an adult before she is ready to become one. You cannot give the third eye of adulthood to your child, they must develop it themselves. I cannot explain to her yet that perhaps the reason she withdraws is because she thinks it is the best way to get our attention. And even if I could it wouldn’t mean she could stop doing it.
Dear Louloria, I read your response to Mr RealistNotOptimist with interest and foreboding. I am in an open relationship with my partner. I suffer hugely from anxiety, and although I try to take full responsibility for it, I fear that my initial – uncontrollable – reactions of fear and anxiety impact my partner’s decisions on how or even whether to … Read More
Dear Louloria, My wife and I married young and lived a monogamous lifestyle for 15 years. Over the last few years we’ve had several polyamorous experiences, initially due to her interest in it. But in this process we’ve discovered that she harbors crippling – and I mean crippling – jealousy and anxiety that for all practical purposes prevents me from … Read More
Dear Louloria, I got into polyamory via a glamorous life of swinging, but my wife and I found that unconnected sex didn’t do it for us and we started to fall for another couple. Sadly they felt that polyamory threatened their relationship so we started exploring poly groups for more like-minded people. But on the whole the people who attended poly … Read More
Dear Louloria, My girlfriend has started dating another girl who is sweet and funny but was previously monogamous. I have no issue with her, but she is not used to communicating about her emotions and now in a worrying pattern on several occasions, she has avoided difficult conversations when it’s obvious to us both, that she’s in pain. She likes to believe she’s open minded … Read More
Dear Louloria, I’ve identified as polyamorous for many years, and do indeed love many. But even if I love many – you know, the soul thrilling, intimate, vulnerable kind – I have recognised that sexually, I (eventually) prefer exclusivity. I’ve noticed that my multiple relationships are often a transition from one sexually exclusive one to another (with an overlap of up … Read More
Designer Relationships is a gentle, compassionate read which presents the subject in a most decorous and acceptable light, yet this also means it is not dramatic or compelling enough to encourage a dubious reader to finish it. This is not a book which will persuade those without an already open and curious mind.
Dear Louloria, My wife and I have been seeing another couple we quite like. We’re all very aware of poly; we met through a poly discussion group. By discussion and agreement it hasn’t become sexual (yet), but it’s mighty snuggly, including naked-in-and-after-the-hot-tub snuggly. We’ve been seeing each other for Saturday hikes and dinners, etc., for a couple of years. The … Read More
Dear Louloria, I’m an American dating a Brit and I don’t understand why she can’t come right out and tell me what she wants. One of the most important things in polyamory is the ability to state boundaries but she thinks she’ll offend me and often comes up with excuses around why she wants some alone time. I think the UK should … Read More
Dear Louloria, I’ve met someone who hasn’t heard of poly before. What’s a good way to introduce them? What red flags are there that they’re not accepting it really, but just going along? Thanks – Mr. NotWantingToForceRoundPegs Dear Mr. NWTFRP, Assuming your ‘someone’ has heard – however vaguely – of open relationships before, I’m going to give you some unconventional advice. … Read More
Dear Louloria, The question that has been burning for me for a while, is why guys “disappear”? Like things seem awesome, then they literally won’t respond to texts, emails and just go “b-bye”. It’s happened to me several times since I started dating. It pisses me off and can hurt too. I have my own ideas about why this happens. … Read More
Dear Louloria, I think I’m running into a situation where I think I need to break up a relationship, because the living situation of my love and her partner isn’t poly-friendly. I’m minimized when he’s around, not allowed into their home, and having to hide the relationship when she and I are in her neighbourhood. I’ve tried to deal with this for … Read More