Every step we take together in this relationship, so poignant and so transient, is both amazing and – potentially – heartbreaking.
Comics have a unique educational style. I started with Garfield, worked through Dilbert, had my mind opened by The Far Side and laughed til I cried at Calvin & Hobbes. Capturing relevance and provoking emotional response is a hard task in a 500 word blog post, let alone a four panel drawing. Tikva Wolf has managed it… introducing Kimchi Cuddles … Read More
Even if ‘Unity, Justice and Freedom’ is considered the unofficial national motto, that’s not what springs to mind when foreigners think of Germany. You might think immediately of their incredible organization, their love of rules and beautifully shameless attitude to sex. You might also remember their extraordinary powers of thinking which produced great philosophers like Kant, Schopenhauer, Marx and Nietzsche. … Read More
The importance of this is highlighted by research that finds that it is difficult to clearly distinguish between monogamous and non-monogamous people. Like all such polarities they break down when examined closely. Consider Alfred Kinsey and Lisa Diamond’s work on sexuality – both finding that this is a lot more complex than the gay/straight polarity would suggest.
There are some conversations I didn’t expect to be having with my daughter. Not now (when she’s three). And actually not ever (before I became a mother and a feminist). ‘What’s that a picture of Mummy?’ My daughter said looking at my Google image search results. ‘Well darling that’s a picture inside a very poorly vagina. It’s a grown up … Read More
You think that sticking those scribbles with magnets onto your fridge shows your child how proud you are of their Picasso-like inclinations. It doesn’t.
They don’t care about it, because their pleasure was in the doing. As we cling or worse, frame our favourite documentation of our children’s achievements so we teach them that the outcome is more important than the journey. The result is more important than the effort expended, the pleasure experienced and the time sacrificed.
For a time I seriously considered having sex without desire. But in the end, I knew that I couldn’t, because forcing myself to do it, would lower my self-esteem even further…tying it irrevocably to my ability to satisfy someone else’s sexual needs whilst overriding my own. How much do you have to despise yourself to do that?
Katie is in fact quite simply the product of upper middle class England. A terrifyingly extreme example – but an example nonetheless. But the reason she’s so popular is because she DOES say what many people secretly think. Things that usually, we like to deny we think. We are appalled by what she says, but also addicted, because it reflects our own internalized prejudices. It rings true with us. And that’s not about blame; it’s about recognizing the privilege that is ingrained in our capitalist, bigoted, judgmental thinking.
I was crazy about him but had no idea how to communicate it. Loving, wanting…it was all the same. If we had sex wouldn’t it mean something for him? If he wanted me wouldn’t I be happy? Because I was so unhappy. Insecure. Unpopular. With no idea who I was.
You are not your mind. You have a mind and you can be the master of it. It is by truly understanding this that you may begin to make choices which will empower you. And that’s when you begin to live a consensual life.
The mind perceives it as a loss of the self and creates insecurity as a means of survival. After all, if your mother were to disappear before you are able to take care of yourself, it might mean death. But this pattern established in our formative years, no longer serves us as adults. Losing someone no longer means death. Rationally we know it. And yet relationship after relationship we reinforce it (some idiots even sing about it).